Ritirement Homes???

May 23, 2008
Crook, Durham
Funster No
Carthago Shed
Since 1984
I thought some of the more mature Funsters among us would be interested
in a one liner given to my Neice who checks care homes for the CQC.
A gentleman she met was searching for a suitable care home for his elderly wife. He pointed out his search was proving very streefull as not many care homes cared. All I want he said was a care home with the same quality and service
as the prison service offer criminals.
How sad is the UK to reduce standards so much the elderly are frightened of
care when they are faced with moving into one of these places.
Enough said.


Apr 24, 2009
Funster No
Fifth wheel.
Since 11-05-2000
Always be kind to your kids as they will be the ones who choose your care home.

A couple of variations on the care home theme.

There will be no nursing home in my future.........
When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $15 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service ( which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.

I thought I would reassure you that after retirement there are ways to cut corners and survive. With the average cost for a Nursing Home per day reaching $200, there is a better way when we get old & feeble.

I have ascertained that I can get a nice room at the Holiday Inn for around $65...that leaves $135 a day for beer, food (room service), laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. They have a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

Super 8 is somewhat more economical and they have a free breakfast, though you usually have to walk next door for lunch and dinner. There may be a bit of a wait to get a first floor room, but that's OK, it takes months to get into decent nursing homes. There is the Senior Bus, the Handicap bus (if you fake a decent limp), a Church bus or van, cabs, and even a regular bus. For a change of lunch take the Airport Bus and eat at one of the fast food cafe's there. The Inn has security, and if someone sees you drop over, they will call an ambulance. And should you break a hip, pick one of those attorneys you see on TV and sue. What more can you ask for?

As a bonus, most of the motels give AARP and other Senior discounts. So,
When I reach the Golden age, help me keep my grin
Just check me into the nearest Holiday Inn!


Sep 12, 2012
Funster No
coach built elddis 400
since 1978
I will put my name down now before all the other funsters get there first.

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