Best laid plans and all that … (3 Viewers)

[Abgs]

It can’t just be us …. Is anyone else getting pulled by both by adult kids and grandchildren in one direction and the needs of ageing parents in the other?

We don’t like to plan to far ahead - just have a rough schedule of when we are going to be away. This is why we have a motorhome!

This seems to give the parents and the kids plus grandchildren scope to just randomly plan things for us to do, or to need us to be around for, without really thinking to clear it with us first. We are very fortunate to be relatively young, early retirees and so therefore, fair game it seems.

We are currently on our Winter holiday .. the one that we planned for late January, February sort of time.

We should have set off in January but something got planned for 10th Feb, so we thought we’d leave mid February but then something got scheduled for early March which meant Morocco was off the cards a due to Ramadan. Then a christening in early April plus a gig Daughter 2 (Cost Centre 2 as she is known) had booked as a surprise for us in late April. Which we ended up paying for, along with tickets for her and her brother as she didn’t really have the funds to afford it ……

So we rescheduled for May … and finally got away on the 9th.

Fourteen days later we are back at home due to more family stuff cropping up.

We have left the van in secure parking in Valencia for a week and will return next Friday to carry on with our trip ….. but this afternoon we learnt we have a family funeral to attend on the 14th June, so we need to cut the trip short by a week to get back in time for it ….

The trip itself so far has been great - rough plan was Western France to Northern Spain to North Portugal then cut across to Valencia, back up the Med to Narbonne and then up the middle to Caen and the ferry back to Blighty.

The plan was changed as the weather was terrible in Northern Spain the other week, so decided to do the route the other way round. This now leaves us with not a lot of time on the Portugal, Northern Spain leg, but we’ll play it by ear.

Only minor issues so far ….

Firstly I left my bag in a changing room in a clothes shop in La Rochelle - which had my wallet and the motorhome keys in it. The shop assistant luckily had spotted it and kept it to one side for me .. phew !

Then my credit card got swallowed by the peage machine near Bordeaux. Mrs ABGS then had a few days of being under the weather with a sickness bug.

Arriving in Spain I thought the DPF light had come on and wouldn’t go off - spent ages driving it at 2500 rpm to try and force a regen until I realised that the light was actually for the AdBlue - which didn’t really need a top up as there was at least half a tank in there.

Then the oil light came on and needed a top up - I hate digital oil level monitors - what’s wrong with dipstick!!

I also entered the low emission zone in Barcelona without a permit but managed to buy one online within 10 minutes - luckily I had a copy of the V5 Registration Document in my phone to upload.

It also sounds terrible written down but we’ve had a really great enjoyable trip so far!

Part two to follow … family ties permitting!

 

[Grianan]

This sounds as if you need to be explicit with all about your plans, so you’re not constantly changing. Hard to balance as I’m sure you want to mark your grandchildren’s milestones and enjoy your parents while you have them.

 

[Abgs]

This sounds as if you need to be explicit with all about your plans, so you’re not constantly changing. Hard to balance as I’m sure you want to mark your grandchildren’s milestones and enjoy your parents while you have them.

We always pencil out the dates with them but that doesn't seem to make a difference !

Of course you are right in that we don't want to miss family stuff and milestone events ... having the motorhome has become invaluable in giving us flexibility to travel around everything and everyone else.

Retire early and travel the world they said !!

 

[DavidG58]

Sadly you need to be tough, make plans and stick to them more rigidly

I don’t think you ‘need’ to be at the funeral, you may feel you have to but you really don’t . You could easily get stuck in traffic on the way , it would carry on without you, as it would wherever you are at the time

Sounds wrong, but life is too short for some things, my mum died during early Covid and no attendees allowed, I now think that’s what I want for me

Are you going for you, or because you think you should be there

 

[Holly's mum]

Do you have to attend the funeral or are they doing a live stream, so that you can watch it from Spain? It's quite common now for funerals to be live streamed, so that anyone who can't attend in person can still participate.

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[Gina M]

Family, don't you just love em

 

[Madcaravanner]

This sounds as if you need to be explicit with all about your plans, so you’re not constantly changing. Hard to balance as I’m sure you want to mark your grandchildren’s milestones and enjoy your parents while you have them.

We are very explicit with our plans yet we still get high volume complaints that we NEVER are at home from one of our kids whereas the other says to ignore the first and enjoy ourselves with the first throwing guilt trip comments all the time

 

[VXman]

We just have one parent left (96 and still living alone) who causes some concern and ties us down a little.

We were only saying the other day that we bet when she eventually passes our daughter will announce she is pregnant!

 

[Smudger55]

We've experienced similar issues over the years, extremely poorly sister in law, my mum is 92 and frequently needed support, although now in a care home, all family live over 200 miles away and we are the ones who do the travelling and looking after. An elderly dog our Ralf 16 years on Monday, we have to be mindful of what he can, so it becomes difficult planning a long trip abroad whilst the months are passing away.

Anyway hoping to cross the channel in September.

 

[Howard B]

We just book & go. Only things we will change plans for are serious health issues/ imminent death.
Have to ask why OP didn't go to Morocco due to Ramadam. First time we went on a motorbike eas during Ramadam & it didn't really affect us on the trip.

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[BooBooKing]

We could have written this-absolutely understand what you mean- we have one 93 year old stubborn parent and 2 kids, 2 grandchildren. We intended to go away for all of June and September after we retired 5 years ago-only managed one September so far due to family commitments. Love them all but.....

 

[Mikey RV]

Do the kids plan their holiday around you
Do the peaple die without thinking you might be away
It’s your time, plan your trip, tell them your going and when your be back, enjoy.
They will not thank you later when you’re gone. They will just take all your money that you should have spent enjoying yourself.

 

[125BEER]

If you don't lay down the rules you will be taken for granted.Yes family is important but so is your earnt time in retirement

Yamas

 

[Shrimp]

I’m pleased I made the decision earlier in life to not have children!
All I got then from people was that I wouldn’t have children to look after me when older!
Personally I don’t think it should work like that and very often doesn’t either!

 

[Carpmart]

Sadly we don’t have any aged parents anymore, so it’s just kids and grandchildren. We have been very clear that this is now our time and they need to get on with their lives.

We miss the grandchildren terribly on occasion, but Europe is full of airports, so easy for Mrs Carpmart to fly home for a few days.

We get home in ten days time after a nine month European tour. We leave again on 28th August for another nine months! The kids (34 and 30) have managed without us. WhatsApp video calls keep us up to date.

My advice, you are not here as a dress rehearsal, it’s your one life, so live it!

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[VXman]

8 years ago we had an opportunity to go to Hong Kong to live and work for a few years. Mother in law was 88 at the time. A friend said 'i don't know how you can go and do that and leave your mum' . 8 years later we are back and mother in law is still fit and well (for a 96 year old).

You have to take you opportunities while you can.

 

[andyman]

A fellow funster once said to me. There's a time in life when you have to put yourself first.
And I do think he was right.

 

[cyberyacht]

Having just got back, my two are off to Salzburg and Disney Paris respectively with the grandchildren, so I have a bit of a breather before having to worry about them.

 

[Grianan]

I have to say I second that about the family funeral. Our last surviving parent (my mum) died 2 weeks ago, age 91, and her funeral was this week. The only surviving relative of her generation was booked to go on holiday the day of the funeral and was upset/felt guilty she couldn’t go. I told her to go, life is for living, spend her time with her daughter and grandkids. We didn’t live stream but I’ve given a copy of the eulogy (she’s mentioned) and the order of service to her other daughter who was there.

 

[carolyn]

If you resent doing it then you shouldn’t do it. If you love doing it then do it. You do have a choice. Set boundaries and stick to them.

Our parents died young so our children grew up without grandparents. We would have quite liked them to have “the burden” of grandparents .

We like to travel, when we’re home we see our children. No grandchildren yet. When we’ve been abroad for prolonged spells they’ve been known to visit us. Claire is a fan of her Beni trips.

Stop moaning and live your own life. You’re a long time dead as my Mum always said. She’d know, dead at 55 .

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[Willieboy]

gig Daughter 2 (Cost Centre 2 as she is known) - that made me chuckle

It's not funny though, we have been in a similar position but thankfully grandchildren are now getting to the age where they want to be around friends more, although they still love to see Nanny & Grandad

We just tell them when we are going away, and it's easier for us to dish out some £'s for spending money for them

 

[Brains]

Put yourselves first.

Only exceptions are Weddings, Bar Mitzvahs (Christenings) and Funerals.
(Possibly significant birthdays, if planned more than 6 months in advance)

We have a number of commitments.
We simply announce our plans a year ahead, and if they want us they have to plan around us.

 

[Just smiffy]

This will sound callous but everyone dies sooner or later, elderly parents have had their time and kids grown up with their own families will discover their own thing, you’ve done your bit and retired early to enjoy/do things for yourself…? Then stick to plans when you’ve made them.

Of course there are certain advents that can’t be avoided….

This strategy works for me and my kids don’t expect anything different but know I’ll be there for them if really needed….

 

[WillH]

We made it clear emergencies only. One son is 160 miles away, the other nearly 700. In 12 years we have been called on twice.

 

[PaulC70]

It can’t just be us …. Is anyone else getting pulled by both by adult kids and grandchildren in one direction and the needs of ageing parents in the other?

We don’t like to plan to far ahead - just have a rough schedule of when we are going to be away. This is why we have a motorhome!

This seems to give the parents and the kids plus grandchildren scope to just randomly plan things for us to do, or to need us to be around for, without really thinking to clear it with us first.

And that's as far as I need to read.
When I make plans I ensure parents, kids and grandkids know about it. If they decide to be selfish and think I am gonna change my plans to suit them they're in for a shock! Unless someone dies, ain't gonna happen, simple. And if they die when I'm already on holiday, so be it, they're not going anywhere fast.

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[Katie516]

We only got our motorhome at the end of February. The other half still works, with only Thursdays and Sundays off (including bh weekends)
He'd booked holiday for May.
Between then and now, he's been found positive for cancer, and has got booked 37 radiotherapy treatments, five days a week. We're hoping maybe late June early August we might get away, if he's well enough.
Five long months of longing to get away, but not wanting to leave him to it, I could cry. I won't....but I could!
He's the one who never gets ill, I'm the one who's now disabled from the effects of historical cancer, and chemo. You couldn't make it up, lol
We WILL get away, one day

 

[Carpmart]

We only got our motorhome at the end of February. The other half still works, with only Thursdays and Sundays off (including bh weekends)
He'd booked holiday for May.
Between then and now, he's been found positive for cancer, and has got booked 37 radiotherapy treatments, five days a week. We're hoping maybe late June early August we might get away, if he's well enough.
Five long months of longing to get away, but not wanting to leave him to it, I could cry. I won't....but I could!
He's the one who never gets ill, I'm the one who's now disabled from the effects of historical cancer, and chemo. You couldn't make it up, lol
We WILL get away, one day

Well I don’t know what to say other than the very best of British to your other half!

Keep your chin up, keep supporting him and let’s hope for a great outcome!

 

[Grianan]

We only got our motorhome at the end of February. The other half still works, with only Thursdays and Sundays off (including bh weekends)
He'd booked holiday for May.
Between then and now, he's been found positive for cancer, and has got booked 37 radiotherapy treatments, five days a week. We're hoping maybe late June early August we might get away, if he's well enough.
Five long months of longing to get away, but not wanting to leave him to it, I could cry. I won't....but I could!
He's the one who never gets ill, I'm the one who's now disabled from the effects of historical cancer, and chemo. You couldn't make it up, lol
We WILL get away, one day

Like throws some hard curve balls Katie and this is certainly one of them. I hope his recovery is smooth and you get away later in the year to relax together.

 

[Colin McCourt]

I plan all our trips in Oct for the following year, put them on an Excel calander all colour coded for time away in UK, Europe, birthdays etc. and send it out to the family. They have no excuses, apart from dying, to clash with anything.

 

[Smudger55]

We only got our motorhome at the end of February. The other half still works, with only Thursdays and Sundays off (including bh weekends)
He'd booked holiday for May.
Between then and now, he's been found positive for cancer, and has got booked 37 radiotherapy treatments, five days a week. We're hoping maybe late June early August we might get away, if he's well enough.
Five long months of longing to get away, but not wanting to leave him to it, I could cry. I won't....but I could!
He's the one who never gets ill, I'm the one who's now disabled from the effects of historical cancer, and chemo. You couldn't make it up, lol
We WILL get away, one day

Very sorry to hear, I wish you both all the best and hope you get away one day. Cheers Smudger55

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