Any constructive comments on my proposed email Re Aires? (1 Viewer)

[Southdowners]

I thought I'd start a new thread as the post containing my request for comments which I put on my earlier thread seems to be disappearing into general discussion about the topic in general... anyway, here's the post and I would appreciate your observations. Thanks

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Here is my first draft of the email mentioned earlier which I propose to send to the Maire of le Pays des Olonnes which is twinned with Worthing

Does anyone have any comments..... constructive ones please
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Firstly, my apologies if this message contains grammatical errors – I have used google translate. The original in English is below the French transalation.

I am writing to ask if you would be able to provide information relating to the provision of Aires.

For many years people in the UK have enjoyed their motorhome travels in France using the facilities provided by your Aires – they are much appreciated. Unfortunately, nothing similar is available here in the UK despite a substantial increase in the number of motorhomes.

I’m hoping to put forward a proposal to my council to ask them to consider providing Aires starting with my local area, West Sussex, which includes your twin town Worthing.

In order to proceed I would like to be able to provide them with facts and figures (cost of supply and maintenance together with benefits to the area) to enable them to see if it could be viable in the Worthing area and that is where I’m hoping you may be able to assist.

My thoughts are that I would email the Leisure and Tourism department in Worthing to ask if they would be willing to consider the provision of an Aire. Hopefully then they can communicate direct with to you for your input. Of course I need to know if you would be willing before I contact the Council.

I await your response with interest,

With kind regards,

 

[Jim]

Good effort. It will be interesting to see the response you receive.

 

[Four of us]

Well done and good luck.

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[DBK]

I think the French term for an "aire" as we refer to them is "Aires de Camping-car".
If you use aire on its own it just means parking for anything.
@yodeli is the expert.

For specific towns it could be effective to contact any French town they are twinned with - assuming they have a good aire of course.

 

[pagey]

be lucky

 

[JackieP]

Very good effort. The only commment I would make is that if you are using a translator then you must keep your English text as simple as possible and your sentences short. I would send this copy in English but I would compose another version for translation and then, if possible get a French native to go over it. Your first letter is your one and only chance so you don’t want to alienate the receiver by making it difficult to understand.


And bloody well done!

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[Southdowners]

Thanks very much for your replies.

I should have mentioned that the Aires being a generalisation had been mentioned in the other thread. I will amend it before I send.

Yes, I hoped for a French speaker to take a look - I think I mentioned that in my earlier posts. I did try to keep things as succinct as possible. If anyone can re-phrase it to make it more reader-friendly then please feel free to comment.

As you say, it has to be brief and to the point as it needs to catch the attention of the recipient and, as we all know, you only get one chance to do that!

I'm hoping that the end result will be two emails that anyone can send to twinned towns... even if we only get a handful of aires I think the effort will be worth it. If those aires are successful who knows, other towns may follow their lead.... anyway, that's my hope - probably far too optimistic... but you never know!

 

[kip]

Nothing wrong with that mate.Well done.

 

[JockandRita]

Good luck @Southdowners.

Cheers,

Jock.

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[Camdoon]

Good stuff. Use one translation tool to translate it to French then another to translate it back that way it should highlight any issues.

 

[Jim]

Yes, I hoped for a French speaker to take a look

@yodeli might be able to help. But she has plenty going on at the moment.

 

[Lenny HB]

Excellent well done.

P.S. Are you going to suggest Goring Gap for the first Aire.

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[sueandjohn]

Well done and good luck

 

[pappajohn]

No point me even attempting that......
I live in Scarborough.


And we are twinned with Osterode am Harz in Germany.

 

[yodeli]

Yes, I hoped for a French speaker to take a look

Sorry I missed your thread/post ! Can you send me the link to it please so I can read it all. I'm trying to sort out my damages since I was flooded the day before yesterday, and as I'm working at the same time it doesn't make ir easy. But still I can read and see straight away if there's something to correct!

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[yodeli]

if there's something to correct!

OOPS sorry just saw the post I thought you had translated it already . So , are you asking for a French translation?

EDIT : Damn easy and I can assure you Google can go for a teaching session to be in competition with me

 

[yodeli]

@Southdowners

I found some time so there you are

Of course I didn't translate the first sentence .... there is NO mistake


Madame, Monsieur

Je prends aujourd'hui la liberté de vous écrire , dans l'espoir d'obtenir de vos services un certain nombre de renseignements relatifs aux Aires de camping-car.

Depuis de nombreuses années déjà, la population du Royaume Uni a pu apprécier au cours de ses pérégrinations en camping car sur les routes de France, les services qu'apporte l'implantation de vos Aires dédiées. Elles sont très appréciées.

Malheureusement , rien de similaire n'existe ici au Royaume Uni, malgré un nombre en constante augmentation de camping-cars.

Je voudrais pouvoir présenter à mon conseil général une proposition bien argumentée afin que soit examinée la possibilité d'équiper en Aires ma région qui est le West Sussex, dont fait partie la ville avec laquelle votre ville est jumelée, à savoir Worthing.


Afin d'entamer cette démarche, je dois être en mesure d'afficher faits et chiffres (Montant des différents types d'approvisionnement , maintenance de l'Aire, ainsi que les bénéfices que peut en retirer la région) pour leur permettre d'évaluer la viabilité de ces installations aux alentours de Worthing, et c'est là que j'espère votre aimable collaboration.


Mon intention est d'envoyer un courriel à l'Office du Tourisme et des Loisirs de Worthing, dans lequel je leur demanderai s'ils envisageraient de manière positive l'établissement d'une Aire similaire.


Il serait souhaitable qu'ils puissent communiquer directement avec vous, afin que vous puissiez les renseigner sur les différents points que j'ai évoqués . Bien sûr je n'irai plus avant dans cette démarche que si vous m'en donnez accord.


Dans l'attente de votre réponse , recevez Madame, Monsieur, l'expression de toute ma considération.

Madame "First Name, Name"

NB : Vous pouvez à votre guise répondre soit en Anglais, soit en Français.


If you already know the Maire's gender then just type the one needed Monsieur OR Madame, .
If you do not know leave it as written. Don't forget Madame always comes first.


Amicalement
Frankie

 

[Southdowners]

Thanks very much Frankie!

I’ve emailed asking for the Maire’s email address today. I wanted to send it direct to him/her. Hopefully I should hear back,if not, I’ll call the local council here and ask if they have it. I will report back.

Thanks again for your help

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[Southdowners]

Frankie, after I posted I realised I should have said that I had intended to use google translate, then ask for a fluent speaker to check that it read OK. I hadn’t intended to ask for the translation to be done in its entirety, so thanks again for taking the time to do so.

 

[yodeli]

Frankie, after I posted I realised I should have said that I had intended to use google translate, then ask for a fluent speaker to check that it read OK. I hadn’t intended to ask for the translation to be done in its entirety, so thanks again for taking the time to do so.

Hey ...not to worry. When I can't , I can't and I say it. I found some time yesterday because the toddlers were busy and nice... so I did it.
You see, Google knows quite a few things, but how to adapt what you say in English into what would be said in French is something else. I would not call it a translation, but an adaptation more like. Sometimes you use singular where we use plural and vice versa. So then everything changes, verbs , adjectives . Where you say ON, we might say IN. Google can't feel like a human. It can help understanding but that's about all. And I understand you want an answer. So let's show how much you're involved, and write a letter in a way the Maire will be impressed. I tried to always stick to your intentions but with the words a French would have used.

Now back to work lol! I must mind my little ones!

Amicalement
Frankie

 

[MichaelT]

May be worth asking Canterbury council what benefits they have seen since the Aire there was opened. I know when we stayed we got a questionnaire that detailed spending etc. So they may be able to give some figures as to what the benefit is to the local community/economy, plus they can highlight any issues they have had with Gyppo's etc...

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[Southdowners]

Yes, i’ll Email them. Thanks for the info.