A couple of jokes (1 Viewer)

[Tibbo]

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr Smith about enlarging her breasts.
Dr Smith advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,
'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!
To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus,
and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme,
She stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said,
'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked,
'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr Smiths?
'Yes I am... How did you know?'
He winked and replied,

"Hickory Dickory Dock "


A married couple are driving along the highway doing 60kmh, with the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70kmh. He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up to 80kmh as her anger increases. “I want the house!" Again the wife speeds up to 90kmh. He says, “I also want the car!” but she just drives faster and faster. By now she’s up to 100kmh. “All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards". The wife finally gets to 110kmh.
"Is there anything else you want to admit too?" replies the wife.

"Yes" says the husband, "that was all a lie.... but at least now we're doing the bloody speed limit!".

 

[Captain Yoghurtpot]

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr Smith about enlarging her breasts.
Dr Smith advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,
'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!
To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus,
and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme,
She stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said,
'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked,
'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr Smiths?
'Yes I am... How did you know?'
He winked and replied,

"Hickory Dickory Dock "


A married couple are driving along the highway doing 60kmh, with the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70kmh. He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up to 80kmh as her anger increases. “I want the house!" Again the wife speeds up to 90kmh. He says, “I also want the car!” but she just drives faster and faster. By now she’s up to 100kmh. “All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards". The wife finally gets to 110kmh.
"Is there anything else you want to admit too?" replies the wife.

"Yes" says the husband, "that was all a lie.... but at least now we're doing the bloody speed limit!".

Just wondering if you have Dr. Smiths address?
Asking for a friend, of course!

 

[tribalbrit]

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr Smith about enlarging her breasts.
Dr Smith advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,
'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!
To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus,
and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme,
She stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said,
'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked,
'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr Smiths?
'Yes I am... How did you know?'
He winked and replied,

"Hickory Dickory Dock "


A married couple are driving along the highway doing 60kmh, with the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70kmh. He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up to 80kmh as her anger increases. “I want the house!" Again the wife speeds up to 90kmh. He says, “I also want the car!” but she just drives faster and faster. By now she’s up to 100kmh. “All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards". The wife finally gets to 110kmh.
"Is there anything else you want to admit too?" replies the wife.

"Yes" says the husband, "that was all a lie.... but at least now we're doing the bloody speed limit!".

Must have been in a Motor home.

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[Eggs]

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr Smith about enlarging her breasts.
Dr Smith advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,
'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!
To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus,
and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme,
She stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said,
'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked,
'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr Smiths?
'Yes I am... How did you know?'
He winked and replied,

"Hickory Dickory Dock "


A married couple are driving along the highway doing 60kmh, with the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70kmh. He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up to 80kmh as her anger increases. “I want the house!" Again the wife speeds up to 90kmh. He says, “I also want the car!” but she just drives faster and faster. By now she’s up to 100kmh. “All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards". The wife finally gets to 110kmh.
"Is there anything else you want to admit too?" replies the wife.

"Yes" says the husband, "that was all a lie.... but at least now we're doing the bloody speed limit!".

You a mate of old-mo ?

 

[Techno]

 

[old-mo]

A Russian soldier ran up to a nun in a state of panic. He pleaded her, "Sister, please let me hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."
The nun agreed. Ten minutes later, some Military Police turned up, and asked her, "Sister, have you seen a soldier around here?"
"He went that a way," she points.
After the MPs had left, the soldier crawled out from beneath her skirt, and told her, "Sister, I can't thank you enough. You see, I don't wanna go to Ukraine."
The nun nodded, "Soldier, I fully undertand."
The soldier added, "I hope you don't mind, Sister, but I noticed you have a great pair of legs under that skirt."
The nun replied, "Soldier, if you had looked a bit higher, you would have seen I have a great pair of balls, too. You see, I don't wanna go to Ukraine, either."

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[ivorantony]

 

[ivorantony]

 

[David and Sally]

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[ivorantony]

This is an oldie but still makes me laugh out loud ,

 

[PaulyP]

Ok I’ll add a few.