Doctors notes from my backup hard drive 2005

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Doctors Notes



> These are doctors' notes on patients' charts:
>
> Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
>
> On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared
> completely.
>
> The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
>
> The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
> depressed.
>
> Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
>
> Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
> forgetful.
>
> The patient refused an autopsy.
>
> The patient has no past history of suicides.
>
> Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
>
> Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
> only a 40 pound
> weight gain in the past three days.
>
> Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
>
> She is numb from her toes down.
>
> While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
>
> The skin was moist and dry.
>
> Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
>
> Patient was alert and unresponsive.
>
> Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
>
> She stated that she had been constipated for most of her adult life,
> until she got a divorce.
>
> I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
> therapy.
>
> The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
>
> Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
>
> The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
>
> Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on
> the abdomen and I agree.
>
> Large brown stool ambulating in the hall
 
I had a cholecystectomy when I was 50 and then it all went wrong and I ended up back in theatre, typical doctor. I read my discharge notes of course, one line read “large amounts of free bile in elvis” , as he’d been dead since 1977 it seemed highly unlikely. Should have read pelvis of course but then who couldn’nt help but laugh putting Elvis and Pelvis together, I’d spent my 50th in hospital so it made me smile.
 
You wouldn't believe this but in the 70's when I worked in a large hospital one of the doctors wrote this.....'She went to work in a fairground as a gypsy fortune teller but had to give it up as she could see no future in it'.
 

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