What would you do? (1 Viewer)

[Barclaybasher]

I know a serial drink-driver, caught and banned a few times, he would drive old cars (not bought in his name) and when stopped by police would give false details, then dump the car and buy another. Eventually he was caught and was given another ban and probation and elected to see the probation officer in another town 20 miles away where he was not 'known'. He actually drove to those meetings.... and continued to drink-drive. He was caught again while still banned and told that next time he would go to prison. He served out his ban without driving, got his licence back............ and he still drinks and drives.... I don't have much contact with him now, he's almost 70 and still needs to work..... to earn the £100 he needs each weekend to drive himself and his wife round his favourite pubs........

You just can't get through to some people

 

[scotjimland]

Would like to share this.. it's copied from a post I made in 2010 about alcoholism.

it's by Tom Edwards, an ex BBC Radio 2 presenter.


Read Tom's Story Here http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4994602.stm

TOM EDWARDS’ POEM “WHY I DON’T DRINK ANYMORE”

You should have seen me.

I drank for happiness and became unhappy.
I drank for joy and became miserable.
I drank to become outgoing and became self-centred.
I drank for sociability and became argumentative and lonely.
I drank for sophistication and became crude and obnoxious.
I drank for friendship and made enemies.
I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self-pity.
I drank for strength and felt weak.
I drank for masculinity and it sapped my potency.
I drank medicinally and became sick.
I drank because I thought my job called for it and lost my job.
I drank to stimulate and blacked out.
I drank to make conversation and got to where I couldn’t talk at all.
I drank to forget and became haunted.
I drank for freedom and became a slave.
I drank for power and became powerless.
I drank to erase problems and saw them multiply.
I drank to cope with life, and invited death.

© Tom edwards

 

[CWH]

As a recovering alcoholic I can speak with personal experience .. there is absolutely nothing you can do.. The disease of active alcoholism isn’t rational. You can’t reason with it. You can’t change it.

The alcoholic doesn't drink to get drunk, it's an addiction, same as all other addictive drugs.. he drinks to stop the pain, without alcohol he can't function.. without alcohol he couldn't get through the day.. without alcohol he couldn't drive.. without alcohol he couldn't do his job.. but he can recover... I did.

I lost everything to alcohol, my first wife and my family of three boys, my job, my friends, my respect , my health and almost my life.. but it didn't stop me drinking. It is a downward spiral that many never find an escape from..
It took years and the love of my present wife to get me sober and to seek help from AA .. many 'friends' tried to help.. including my first wife.. I even went to AA and was sober for months at a time.. but I hadn't accepted I was an alcoholic.. the first step of the 12 step AA program.. which says..

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Until your friend acknowledges this.. he can't get well.. and you can't help.

The doors of AA are revolving.. people come and go, many die without recovering.. it is estimated that only 10% who come to AA get well..

I am indeed lucky.. with many years of sobriety I still I count each sober day as a blessing.. I found a new partner, we built a family I got a better job, .. but it's still just one day at a time.. one drink, just one beer.. would see me back to square one.. just like quitting smoking.. you can't cut down.. and every day I have to remind myself of this.. talking to others and writing about it on this thread are part of my recovery..

The only person who can help your work mate is he himself.. or a recovering alcoholic.. preaching, threatening, reporting will only distance him.. be his friend.. be there if he asks for help...

If you want to understand, and be there for him, read up the topic, there is plenty of good advice on-line.. but be prepared for rejection.

A brave post @ScotJim , thank you

TOM EDWARDS’ POEM “WHY I DON’T DRINK ANYMORE”

That's very powerful writing

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[GeebeeJaybee]

This man has an illness, he may or may not acknowledge it.
The employer however has a duty of care and a responsibility once they are aware of it to take action and can force him to seek help (help he may not take) but geing drunk in work is almost sure to be gross misconduct. If he drives as part of his job then it is a sackable offence.

He is putting his own and other lives at risk. Maybe having a chat about how the Glasgow lorry driver caused multiple deaths by lying and tell him drink or drug driving is just the same.

 

[parknride]

As a recovering alcoholic I can speak with personal experience .. there is absolutely nothing you can do.. The disease of active alcoholism isn’t rational. You can’t reason with it. You can’t change it.

The alcoholic doesn't drink to get drunk, it's an addiction, same as all other addictive drugs.. he drinks to stop the pain, without alcohol he can't function.. without alcohol he couldn't get through the day.. without alcohol he couldn't drive.. without alcohol he couldn't do his job.. but he can recover... I did.

I lost everything to alcohol, my first wife and my family of three boys, my job, my friends, my respect , my health and almost my life.. but it didn't stop me drinking. It is a downward spiral that many never find an escape from..
It took years and the love of my present wife to get me sober and to seek help from AA .. many 'friends' tried to help.. including my first wife.. I even went to AA and was sober for months at a time.. but I hadn't accepted I was an alcoholic.. the first step of the 12 step AA program.. which says..

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Until your friend acknowledges this.. he can't get well.. and you can't help.

The doors of AA are revolving.. people come and go, many die without recovering.. it is estimated that only 10% who come to AA get well..

I am indeed lucky.. with many years of sobriety I still I count each sober day as a blessing.. I found a new partner, we built a family I got a better job, .. but it's still just one day at a time.. one drink, just one beer.. would see me back to square one.. just like quitting smoking.. you can't cut down.. and every day I have to remind myself of this.. talking to others and writing about it on this thread are part of my recovery..

The only person who can help your work mate is he himself.. or a recovering alcoholic.. preaching, threatening, reporting will only distance him.. be his friend.. be there if he asks for help...

If you want to understand, and be there for him, read up the topic, there is plenty of good advice on-line.. but be prepared for rejection.

What a brave and honest post. I'm glad for you that you have turned your life around and have a second chance. I miss my big brother so much.

 

[scotjimland]

I miss my big brother so much.

so sorry to read this.. a tragic loss, you have my deepest sympathy, I'm sure you did all you could to help..

My mum's brother was an alcoholic and committed suicide.. .. it was never discussed how or where he died.. I only found this out from his death certificate when doing family research..

Alcoholism carries a stigma, so families are very reluctant to discuss with others or seek help. It's as though it is self inflicted and a dishonour to the family.. so it's often covered up.. spoken about in hushed tones.. or not at all.. unlike other life threatening illnesses that are openly discussed .

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[parknride]

Thank you @ScotJim, kind words. It is a terrible illness, the person affected becomes a very different person lost to the desire/need for drink above everything else.

As for the OP if stress, disability, poverty, was the cause of alcoholism wouldnt we all be alcoholic? As @MinxyGirl says, ultimately he has to decide for himself that drink is not the answer. Befriend him if you like, we all need friends, but do not enable him. Just a thought, if his employers know he is turning up for work under the influence they should send him home. Do they not have a drink and drugs policy? He is not safe in the workplace to himself or others.

 

[Minxy]

One of my step Mother-in-Law's sons died a few years ago, whilst he was not an alcoholic per se he did like to drink heavily when he went out for the night (Friday/Saturday) knocking back 6 or more pints, but then on working days he didn't drink. On the face of it he was being 'sensible' in a way by not risking going to work and driving under the influence (he always got taxis when out for the night) but unfortunately his 'binge' drinking ultimately killed him.

It wasn't liver disease or anything like that which you would usually associate with heavy drinking - he had been having what he thought was heartburn for a while and taking Gaviscon liquid then unfortunately he went to bed for a lie down one afternoon and had a massive haemorrhage from a vein in his throat and in effect 'drowned' in his own blood. His girlfriend found him a few hours later - his bedroom apparently looked like a scene from a horror movie, something I'm sure she'll never forget and neither will his Mum who lives just round the corner and was called over when he was discovered.

He wasn't an alcoholic in the usual sense that I understand the term - ie having to drink every day just to get through it - but he couldn't/wouldn't REDUCE the amount he drank when he did go out so I would still count him as an alcoholic ... if he hadn't been drinking heavily as he did then it would be very likely that he wouldn't have had the maemorrhage and still be with us today. He chose to do what he did and knew he shouldn't as he'd said he'd cut down ... what made it worse was that his young kids lived with him as he was their main carer - they had very little contact with their Mum who left many years earlier. It was very traumatic for them as they lost their Dad who they adored (he was a great Dad and did everything for them and they were very, very happy there) but had no option to the go and live with their Mum who they hardly knew!

An 'alcoholic' therefore, in my eyes, isn't just the person who drinks every day, but binge drinkers too ... if you know someone like this perhaps they would benefit from being told this sad tale.

 

[scotjimland]

An 'alcoholic' therefore, in my eyes, isn't just the person who drinks every day, but binge drinkers too

absolutely 'spot on' ..

I was an alcoholic from my first drink at about 18 , long before it affected my family and life.. I worked offshore for 8 years, two weeks away and not a drop of booze.. I binge drank when I came home, I would argue that how can I be an alcoholic when I go two weeks without..?

"Don't talk daft .. I can take it or leave it .. honestly" .. I would argue .. but deep in my heart I knew I had a problem.. but was just too scared to admit it and too proud to seek help..

But there is a huge difference from being a 'dry' alcoholic and a recovering alcoholic .. I was in my mid 30s before it became a problem.. by that time I was a full blown alcoholic..
Many alcoholics work and keep down steady jobs, as the person in the OP does, you have probably met them without knowing they are addicts.. they can be great at their jobs.. talented engineers, managers, Church ministers, lawyers, artists , painters, poets.. many famous people were and are alcoholics.. our PM during WW2 , was one..

I believe that I was born with a predisposition to addiction... an addictive gene if you like.. it is well know that it runs in families.. it can manifest itself in many ways.. and not just alcohol or drugs.. (same thing) .. some are addicted to running or body building.. others to working.. there is research being done in this field.. maybe one day they will be able to 'edit it out' of the genome..
In the meantime, the only treatment for addiction of any kind, is abstinence..

Life after alcohol is not dull, nor dreary.. but it does take a long time to recover and it's an ongoing process , there is no 'I'm cured' lets' go out and celebrate..


Test Yourself with this quiz.. no need for an email to see results

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[highwayman]

Now you know and so long as you are certain of your facts then in my opinion you cannot look the other way.
Personally I'd have a word with him and explain how you're between a rock and a hard place and if he doesn't act to do something about it you'll have-to. Again personally I'd offer to help and/or get help for him.
You cannot turn your back, sorry.

Cheers. Nige

 

[WillH]

Many years ago my workplace became alcohol free. If a person was fond to be under the influence of drink, or drugs, they were dismissed with immediate effect. However, our workplace Health and Safety Policy Document, which I helped to create, was very clear. If the employee believed they had a problem and asked for help we would, and did, bend over backwards to help them.

The policy was so written that when a long standing employee was found with a single can of beer he was dismissed. An appeal was effected by his union, we went to court and the company won. We were holding our breath as this was the first case we'd had.

This was in the ferry industry where, as you can imagine, safety is paramount. Not only did we have to adhere to shoreside requirements but also MCA rules and international law.

Having said all that, when I was deep-sea we drank industrial quantities of beer and I sailed with a number of functioning alcoholics and never had a problem, it was only on the ferries did I experience problems.

 

[Yorick]

Send him an anonymous letter saying you'll report him.

That should do the trick. If it doesn't, then report him

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[scotjimland]

Send him an anonymous letter saying you'll report him.

That should do the trick. If it doesn't, then report him

no amount of threats or reporting will "do the trick" .. I just wish it were that easy

 

[mentaliss]

Being a hard working honest bloke naturally I expect the rest of the population to be the same.
Where I work a middle aged guy in charge of the drawing office comes down to see me, maybe twice a month, a nice chatty bloke with a slightly sad background being his wife is disabled and his daughter has been very poorly plus the odd health issue himself, add this to typical financial worries and the increasing pressure from management to produce more work he has clearly taken to drinking, which includes driving. I thought why not have a quiet chat with a manager to find out if they were aware of the drinking problem this then gives someone else the problem to deal with instead of me, turns out they are aware and have been for some years.
So I have a dilemma, not wishing to upset the apple cart my preference would be to not get involved thus keep quiet but another part of me says what would I feel like if he kills someone whilst driving home 2 times a day.

What would you do?

_________________________________________

Your employer should be made aware of the concerns of the staff and if he or she has the necessary skills they should approach this person in question....I did so to a member of staff when I was working and was fortunate in so much that I received a positive response by way of the employee seeking counselling and a eventual cure

 

[chrisgreen]

when i used to drink it was never socially it was to get drunk, only when a routine blood test show i had liver damage did i give up drinking took over 2 years for my liver to recover and my blood to return to normal,that was 7/8 years ago,now i might drink 1/2 pints when i go out, but i avoid party's where a lot of alcohol is involved,and thats why i don't get involved in party's at fun meets,not because i dont want to because i cant,a little man inside me will "go on you know you want to" but i resist.

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[obanvanman]

Sorry, but being a retired Traffic cop I have picked up the bits, along with any ambulance chaps who are probably on here. Have a word if it makes you feel any better, but then make a phone call.

 

[Charlie]

Talk to him as candidly ax you can but without a barb on the hook.

Look mate I do understand the pressures of work and life are putting on you. It can't be easy what with your work and family situations . But drinking and driving will make things ten times worse if you get caught and even more intolerable if an incident were to take place ....
Something like that ?

Offer it as advice not as a threat but keep the dice loaded in the way you form your words .
Not nice definitely not easy but worth a try.

As someone said above if he is hooked then your task is nigh on impossible but as a friend it's worth a try at least.

I have a good mate who is hooked on fags. His doctor has told him categorically if he continues as he is doing now it will kill him in 5 years max.

I have tried everything from sublety to down right brutality to deliver the message his family are unable to do.

That message is to think about his Wife . Sons and grandchildren. Same message that needs to be put to your Friend .

I wish you more success than I'm having.

Addiction is an absolute bas tard.....

 

[Big bus man]

Thanks for your replies, the guy in question is not a friend just another employee so I have no qualms about informing on him. Twice now I have seen him go out to his car during the day and in the boot, I am not sure if it is to drink but if I catch him drinking I will be onto the local police, I am not going to do that until I have firm proof he is driving whilst over the limit because at the moment it is just a strong Whisky smell as be speaks.

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