Short story competition (1 Viewer)

[Jim]

OK Funsters, winters coming; and haggars post here has given me an idea.

How about a short story competition. Rather than giving you the first or last line of your story; I'm giving you a list of topics that you must weave into it . Your story can be any length from 20 words to 1000+ it can be funny, thrilling, in the style of 50 shades, horror, fairy tale, anything you like.

In your story (in any context you like) you must make mention of

• Gas
• A Frame
• Reverse polarity
• Food grade hose
• Daily Mail
• Generator noise
• Brexit
• Dog poo

There will be a prize for stories that receive the most "Love It's" .

 

[Cinderz]

When is the closing date?

 

[Jim]

When is the closing date?

Let's close it on 30th November

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[Wildbill]

i cant write for toffee so for that reason i am out
bill

 

[Alistair33]

Quite frankly while I find the idea a bit of a gas, we would need to ensure that the judging was fairer than that of the Brexit or Catalonian votes to avoid claims by the Daily Mail of a frame up. A load of dog poo of course and the offending journalists should be take out and beaten with food grade hose or at the very least electrocuted, using reverse poliarity to avoid nasty scaring and to keeep the generator noise to a minimum.

Well that’s my opinion

 

[Chris]

I am not much of a story writer but if I get time I will have a go at this. My title will be "Three Go to France and Spain with an A Frame".

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[Ambilkate]

@Mousy

 

[Alistair33]

I am not much of a story writer but if I get time I will have a go at this. My title will be "Three Go to France and Spain with an A Frame".

You could have :-

Three go to France and Spain following reports in the Daily Mail that the price of food grade hose and gas are likely to rise following the Brexit vote, They originally said that they intended to go to Holland but were put off by the reverse polarity and the mountains of dog poo used to fertilise the tulips, however we reveal that the real reason was that they were kicked out of Holland for making to much generator noise

 

[simsy56]

I had to reverse polarity, (the name of my moho) onto the pitch, so my dog 'poo', could see the field. I was gassing to the guy next door, who said his name was Daley, Daley Mayal, and had a phobia of generator noises. "What a frame of mind to be in" I said.
'Why don't we chill out and go and have some food in the Spanish restaurant'? said I. It has lovely tapas, inspected, and graded by the owner Jose. In fact all the food is graded by Jose!

Craig

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[Alistair33]

I had to reverse polarity, (the name of my moho) onto the pitch, so my dog 'poo', could see the field. I was gassing to the guy next door, who said his name was Daley, Daley Mayal, and had a phobia of generator noises. "What a frame of mind to be in" I said.
'Why don't we chill out and go and have some food in the Spanish restaurant'? said I. It has lovely tapas, inspected, and graded by the owner Jose. In fact all the food is graded by Jose!

Craig

Hose and Brexit?

 

[eddie]

OK Funsters, winters coming; and haggars post here has given me an idea.

How about a short story competition. Rather than giving you the first or last line of your story; I'm giving you a list of topics that you must weave into it . Your story can be any length from 20 words to 1000+ it can be funny, thrilling, in the style of 50 shades, horror, fairy tale, anything you like.

In your story (in any context you like) you must make mention of

• Gas
• A Frame
• Reverse polarity
• Food grade hose
• Daily Mail
• Generator noise
• Brexit
• Dog poo

There will be a prize for stories that receive the most "Love It's" .

1000 words?

Thats me out

 

[Jim]

1000 words?

Thats me out

The little + next to the 1000 was placed there just for you Ed

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[Alistair33]

Those that are sitting this one out can of course read all about the results in the Daily Mail, while sitting around the gas fire dreaming up dog poo alternative fuel sources because gas will become too expensive after Brexit, they should note that the use of food grade hose has been found to reduce the generator noise when the dog poo is stored in a frame charged with reverse polarity.

 

[Alistair33]

Ok ok I’ll stop !

 

[Two on Tour]

That's not fair, @Chris has a big advantage, couse he's an expert on gassing.

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[BobtheBass]

The Daily Mail claimed it was a frame up, they had never claimed that Brexit would mean less food. Lord Grade however hosed some dog poo away which did generator bit of noise, but some gas would reverse polarity and restore the smell of roses around Fleet Street. Or maybe not.

 

[Wildbill]

What happens if it ends up a sort book can it be historical fiction i am going to have a go but don't think i can keep it to 1000
bill

 

[Vanderek]

Our first visit to Spain started well, ferry smooth crossing, the roads were clear, Aires all open and mostly free. Once we crossed the border into Spain we got stopped by the Police for using an A Frame, the residents at our first site in Benidorm said the Police were taking it out on Brits due to Brexit.

The site was full of the usual European suspects. One night during the bingo there was a fire. An old German guy, who was an old veteran bomber pilot, known on site as Eddie Von Blitz, he had a generator running close to his awning. There was a lot of noise and commotion – the fire brigade arrived and quickly dealt with it. Two of the crew were identical twins; they were nick named Hose “A” and Hose “B”. They tried to go to university to study Food Technology but didn’t make the Grade and they had to care for their mother who from the translation of “reversed polarity” was bi-polar. They offered us some of their tapas – despite looking like, dare I say it, dog poo, they were very tasty treats.

After this things calmed down on site; and we were made very welcome by the almost hundreds of Funsters on site. We joined the Funster Teetotal Group – they were a very nice couple! Things went downhill on the return journey through France, you may have read this in the Daily Mail on 1st April, see the story titled “O’Really family from Limerick Gassed in their Motorhome”. Sadly we lost £3000, two Ipads, a wedding ring worth £15000 and our four Rolex watches.

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[Taran_Las]

Frankly, at the moment life’s a gas. My Polish neighbour Mr. Pawel Brexit has just been given British nationality. I guess that’s just a case of reverse polarity. He’s getting a nice certificate which he informs me is going in a frame when it arrives in our daily mail delivery. My other neighbours have the builders in. They’re powering their tools with a generator. Noise is a bit irritating though. So to calm my nerves and for my general wellbeing I’m having a session of colonic irrigation which I’m informed could be very beneficial, especially if administered using food grade hose. I think it’s all a load of dog poo personally.

 

[suavecarve]

50 shades of grey approach really shouldnt appear here. "2 girls one cup replaced by dog poo and food grade hose" would be my opening line. If you have understood this so far youre a bad bad person and sexual deviant. I am going to have to politely decline for fear of outing myself

 

[Stretto Boy]

Lord Grade however hosed some dog poo away which did generator bit of noise

Foul! That’s not generator noise, it’s dog poo hosing noise

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[suavecarve]

Gas mask - say no more, A frame for the photographs, say no more, Reverse polarity direct to the nipple tassles to generate 'er noise, say no more, Daily Mail would buy the shortened version, getting caught and catching the train to get out of there, or known in the deviants underworld as a BR exit, would also have made the short story.

If you havent understood any of this then ask @Chris who liked my previous post. He can drop himself in it !

 

[Chris]

Gas mask - say no more, A frame for the photographs, say no more, Reverse polarity direct to the nipple tassles to generate 'er noise, say no more, Daily Mail would buy the shortened version, getting caught and catching the train to get out of there, or known in the deviants underworld as a BR exit, would also have made the short story.

If you havent understood any of this then ask @Chris who liked my previous post. He can drop himself in it !

I can’t say I am an expert on erotic literature.

I just look at the pictures

 

[Minxy]

So there we were, travelling along the most awful road in Italy … potholes galore and idiotic drivers whizzing past us in both directions … then pfhzzzzz, pfhzzzzzzz, PFFHHHHZZZZZZTTT ... what the hell was that??? A flat tyre, a demented giant Italian fly buzzing around … ??? We looked at each other for the answer ... then realised exactly what it was as the ‘aroma’ drifted up to us … the dogs were f@rting ... OMG … we were being well and truly gassed …. Yeaks ... what a pong!

Pfhzzzz, pfhzzzz, PFHHHHZZZZZZ … it continued incessantly … Horror of horrors we were ‘hemmed’ in by the traffic chaos and couldn’t get out so had to open the windows and hang our heads out of them desperately gasping for fresh air, albeit filled with diesel fumes!!!

We’d noticed that the dogs had been producing really, really stinky dog poo for a few days with lots of low rumbling f@rting for good measure but this was much, much louder and smellier than anything they’d been doing …

The racket they were making when f@rting was unbelievable … loud, LOUD? It sounded like a massive ‘wind generator’ … the noise was so thunderous and accompanied by such ‘gusts’ of wind we thought at one point they were going to take off from the jet propulsion and fly out of the windows!!!

Why on earth were they like this we wondered … then it dawned on us … they had only got f@rty since they’d been given some pepperoni by an elderly Italian chap we’d been chatting to about Brexit … we thought he had a frame of mind the same as us … that it is going to be a good thing for the UK … but now we suspect he actually had reverse polarity to our thoughts and it was just a ruse to feed our dogs his gas producing sausage as a ‘slow release’ revenge! Of course, that’s if it had been a ‘real’ food grade pepperoni which he fed to them … it did look like one of the thin ones they make, quite long with a diameter about the size of a hose pipe … but how would we know? I never eat them myself and hubby’s been banned from even trying a small piece due to the unfortunate effect it has on him (never seen him run back to the van so fast since he ate the last sample!), of course the Italians make such weird shapes and sizes of sausage, of various colours and ingredients, that sneaking in a ‘sbucciare salsiccia’ wouldn’t be difficult!

So, it’s true … gassing really DOES happen to British tourists (admittedly from our own pets!) ... I wonder how much I’ll be paid if I get in touch with the Daily Mail and tell them about the threat of the “Italian man’s f@rting sausage” … just gotta work out how to include being robbed and losing my iPad, Rolex and £2,000 in cash to make it more believable!

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[magicsurfbus]

Once upon a time, Jim ran a short story competition where Funsters had to think of a story that included

• Gas
• A Frame
• Reverse polarity
• Food grade hose
• Daily Mail
• Generator noise
• Brexit
• Dog poo

The End

 

[Louis]

Once upon a time, Jim ran a short story competition where Funsters had to think of a story that included

• Gas
• A Frame
• Reverse polarity
• Food grade hose
• Daily Mail
• Generator noise
• Brexit
• Dog poo

The End

What do you mean the end? It’s still going down hill

 

[tedontour]

OK Funsters, winters coming; and haggars post here has given me an idea.

How about a short story competition. Rather than giving you the first or last line of your story; I'm giving you a list of topics that you must weave into it . Your story can be any length from 20 words to 1000+ it can be funny, thrilling, in the style of 50 shades, horror, fairy tale, anything you like.

In your story (in any context you like) you must make mention of

• Gas
• A Frame
• Reverse polarity
• Food grade hose
• Daily Mail
• Generator noise
• Brexit
• Dog poo

There will be a prize for stories that receive the most "Love It's" .

Jim" what have you done"

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[Doctor Dave]

Here’s my little story
I wrote it as a rhyme
I hope you read right to the end,
It won’t take too much time

I went to put the kettle on
But had run out of GAS.
Another cylinder to get,
I did feel quite an ass.

Wanted to take my car with me
When I went up the road.
I put it on my new A-FRAME
And called it my pet toad!

I went to plug the lecky in
The lights they all did flash
REVERSE POLARITY they showed.
The laptop then did crash.

I went to fill my water tank
I used the FOOD GRADE HOSE
‘Tiz the one that’s coloured blue
‘Cos that’s the one I chose.

I like to read THE DAILY MAIL
(I like the letters page)
But most of it is like the rest,
Rubbish. Must be my age.

I went onto a camp site once
With Funster girls and boys,
Could not hear what was said to me.
Through GENERATOR NOISE.

A referendum it was held
And BREXIT the result.
Some still think that it was wrong.
I wish they’d be adult!

Some doggy owners do clear up
The DOG POO from their pets.
Others don’t and they just moan
As everywhere it gets.


Dave

 

[Alistair33]

Let's close it on 30th November

Where did the results go?

 

[Jim]

I was reminded of this the other day, by the winner @Vanderek Derek won a years subs for his story. Well done Derek

Our first visit to Spain started well, ferry smooth crossing, the roads were clear, Aires all open and mostly free. Once we crossed the border into Spain we got stopped by the Police for using an A Frame, the residents at our first site in Benidorm said the Police were taking it out on Brits due to Brexit.

The site was full of the usual European suspects. One night during the bingo there was a fire. An old German guy, who was an old veteran bomber pilot, known on site as Eddie Von Blitz, he had a generator running close to his awning. There was a lot of noise and commotion – the fire brigade arrived and quickly dealt with it. Two of the crew were identical twins; they were nick named Hose “A” and Hose “B”. They tried to go to university to study Food Technology but didn’t make the Grade and they had to care for their mother who from the translation of “reversed polarity” was bi-polar. They offered us some of their tapas – despite looking like, dare I say it, dog poo, they were very tasty treats.

After this things calmed down on site; and we were made very welcome by the almost hundreds of Funsters on site. We joined the Funster Teetotal Group – they were a very nice couple! Things went downhill on the return journey through France, you may have read this in the Daily Mail on 1st April, see the story titled “O’Really family from Limerick Gassed in their Motorhome”. Sadly we lost £3000, two Ipads, a wedding ring worth £15000 and our four Rolex watches.

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}