Pay it forward (1 Viewer)

[ianthebuilder]

I was coming out of the bank in gorleston on friday last week,after hopefully putting in the last amount of money i need to for mortgauge,bills etc (house hopefully completes in 10 days) and i saw a young ish bloke looking in a shop window shaking and valiantly holding onto a paper cup of coffee,,i saw in the doorway a sleeping bag,old quilt and a small bag of whatever,,i stood next to him and proceeded to ask a few general questions,,after our little chat i gave the lad some money,saying to him get what you need to get you through the next couple of days, anyway as i was walking away a older gentleman who saw me doing this came over to me as i was walking to my car and asked what i gave him,,i didnt tell as it was nobodies business but mine (and the recipient)..Anyway we were having a chat and he was asking questions of me as to what do i do for a living,am i rich? HAHA and i told him through fits of laughter my situation,,selling house,not much work this year etc etc,But the lad needed money more than i did,,anyway he said he needed a driveway doing on his house and would i like to have a look,,i told him i was moving away (into a MH and travelling europe etc) but he said come and have a look anyway,,,i obliged as it was local and his wife made a lovely cuppa ! Anyway he asked me to quote him on what i would want for the job (block paving about 40 sq mtrs,taking up and skipping old concrete etc) I was about to tell him the price( £2,000)and he said hang on i will show you something,,he proceeded to show me 3 quotes he had from local builders ranging from £3,000 to £4,500) Now this was a perfect oppertunity for me to make more money than my original thought !! But i didnt,(i sleep welll) and told him it was £2,000 anyway,materials came to £950 including a skip,and £1050 for labour (4 days) Now i have just finished and all is good,he is very happy and so am i,i have money to see me through till completion and he saved money,,,anyway he said to me in his kitchen as i was having my final lovely cuppa I wouldnt have even spoken to you if i hadnt see you give that money to that homeless lad,and i wanted to do something for you !!! I was quite touched,,,so is it true?? What goes round,comes round????

 

[tonyidle]

I think so. Sometimes takes a while but it always does.

 

[normanandsue]

It will but only when it is done with no ulterior motive.

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[tonka]

 

[Larby]

Nice story. That extra cash will buy a few litres of diesel for your trip.
Just to let you know, I have 5 children, my wife has left me, I have an un-paid tax bill, the dog has to go to the vets, roof on tent is leaking, if you are in North Essex anytime ??
You seem such a nice man

 

[hilldweller]

Pretty amazing story.

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[Doctor Dave]

Well done @ianthebuilder, both for helping the homeless chap out and for doing the block paving at a sensible price.

Enjoy your van trip.


Dave

 

[Jaws]

Well done on all counts Ian.
I often think there are far more good honest decent folk in the world like your self than bad..

Have a gold star mate

 

[MitchandJenny]

Put a lump in my throat mate...
Jaws is right, there ARE more good folks than bad, even in these turbulent times and you are the salt of the earth..
Sleep well mate......

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[BONZO]

Iv got tears ........well done I'm proud to be in the same foram as you. My your God go with you . John

 

[ianthebuilder]

Nice story. That extra cash will buy a few litres of diesel for your trip.
Just to let you know, I have 5 children, my wife has left me, I have an un-paid tax bill, the dog has to go to the vets, roof on tent is leaking, if you are in North Essex anytime ??
You seem such a nice man

I will buy a 7 berth,pick you all up on the way to the ferry and take you all to disney ! Merry christmas !

 

[ianthebuilder]

To be honest people, it just makes me feel a bit better about life when you can help someone,,im sure we all have done something for someone with no thought of profit,and felt good afterwards !! Example.........Im looking for a MH and many have offered help to look at etc,,,and even travel,,,amazing...

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[Zigisla]

When I was in Glasgow a while back, I used to see a young homeless lad by the station. Can you spare a few pence for a cuppa tea mate, he used to say to everyone. So one day, particularly cold, I thought to save him the long walk I would buy him the tea he craved. Here you go mate, stay put and here is the tea. Feeling good, I started off then got "don't want ya fu@@in tea ya bass. Charming. Clearly wanted money for other things. Can't please everyone. Still felt good.

 

[Rapido925M]

Sadly my eldest son (RIP) was an alcoholic and nothing pleased him more than to be given money. It is very hard and counter-intuitive, but the worst thing you could have done was to pander to his "needs" (I'm not saying that all homeless folk have drug problems).

In Norwich, and I think lots of other places, you can buy tickets which can be exchanged in local shops for food and/or "safe" drinks, toiletries etc. However, I know from bitter experience that ANY donations can allow someone to offset their addiction costs.

Helping folks like my late son is not easy: I don't think the latest cuts to mental health budgets will reduce the number of troubled people that we see on the streets. Gordon

PS We supported him in every way we could, including providing housing, food, clothing etc BUT when we discovered that he was also stealing from us, we had little option but to make him stand on his own 2 feet. During the following 12 months he lived with, and stole from, all of his friends and ended up living on the street. Eventually we got him into supported living with a housing association but even there he lied and cheated, continued drinking, and finally died. Some people are able to learn from their situation and the help they receive, from whatever source, can result in their lives being turned around. I shall never give up hope for others, but knowing how to help them is difficult: currently we are donating to Shelter.

 

[vin0114]

Well done Ian and so sorry to hear of your loss Rapido925M.

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[Rob and Val]

@ianthebuilder, you've made my day. May success follow you, each and every place you go.

 

[wingman]

What an uplifting post - especially at Christmas time. Well done Ian, good on yer mate.

 

[ianthebuilder]

Im sorry rapido,for the loss of your son, I would like to say that when i give some money to someone i really dont or cant feel the need to tell them how to spend it,,,i was in a position years ago where i was homeless for a while,and if anyone gave me anything i was just gratefull.... If that means that the money i give goes on drugs,alcohol or whatever they decide to spend it on or whatever they need to get through the night then thats their decission,,i dont want to dictate what they do with it,,everybody has a choice !!

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[rangi]

Well done @ianthebuilder Health, Wealth, and Happiness for the future

 

[ianthebuilder]

Im all good thanks rangitira,,,life is great !!!

 

[Rapido925M]

Im sorry rapido,for the loss of your son, I would like to say that when i give some money to someone i really dont or cant feel the need to tell them how to spend it,,,i was in a position years ago where i was homeless for a while,and if anyone gave me anything i was just gratefull.... If that means that the money i give goes on drugs,alcohol or whatever they decide to spend it on or whatever they need to get through the night then thats their decission,,i dont want to dictate what they do with it,,everybody has a choice !!

Hi Ian
I'm sorry to here that you had problems BUT really pleased that you got out of them.

You are correct in saying that everyone has a choice but unfortunately, people who are addicted have given that choice away, whether by their own volition or with the "help" of someone else. I have spoken with many alcoholics, and their families: most of them "admit" their problems and "say" the right things. Sadly, they cannot often put them into action: I think that only about 10% ever recover (and that involves a life of remaining alcohol-free if they follow the AA creed). The third time we picked our son up from A&E the consultant said some people just have an addictive personality and we realised that he was one of them.

My son had a degree in International Finance and was a successful accountant. Somewhere along the line he got hooked on vodka and kept it hidden from friends, family and employer. Eventually it caught up with him and despite everyone giving him support, AA meetings and Norfolk Mental Health providing professional counselling he just couldn't give it up. He lost everything and the only solace he could find was in the bottle, plus recreational drugs when his only friends were other addicts.

We were in a real quandary, because we still loved him but if we gave him money, food, cleaning items, etc it just meant that his DHSS payments could be spent on alcohol. It was very upsetting not to be able to help him, but his social workers said that "well meaning" folk are one of the greatest inhibitors of drug-reduction programmes. I appreciate that you are coming at this from a different perspective, based on your own success, but I would ask all concerned to consider the wider picture, especially at this time of "goodwill to ALL men".

We will always love him and try every day to think of the good times. One consolation is that, despite being 39y old when he died, he did not have any long-term relationships nor children who would have to deal with his sorry situation.

Merry Xmas to all.

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[ianthebuilder]

Please rapido do not think i was making light of your sons situation,it mortifies me to think you may think that ! it was not meant as a character assasination in any way ! I have a daughter who is a mother of 3 healthy kids(thank god) who for many years until recently has had a drug habbit,cocaine mostly and it has cost my ex wife and me nearly everything,,i only said about choices because in the end i had to realise that she had the choice of help everyday and chose not to make that choice,, Luckily for her,and us (unlike yourselves) she has so it seems, taken the right choice,finally to put that behind her,,and although she left a wake of heartbreak behind her we still love her, but it has cost me a lot to realise that Everybody has a choice,,thats all i meant.... Sincerely,ian...

 

[ianandkath]

great story ian, and proud of you .

 

[Neckender]

Hi Ian
I'm sorry to here that you had problems BUT really pleased that you got out of them.

You are correct in saying that everyone has a choice but unfortunately, people who are addicted have given that choice away, whether by their own volition or with the "help" of someone else. I have spoken with many alcoholics, and their families: most of them "admit" their problems and "say" the right things. Sadly, they cannot often put them into action: I think that only about 10% ever recover (and that involves a life of remaining alcohol-free if they follow the AA creed). The third time we picked our son up from A&E the consultant said some people just have an addictive personality and we realised that he was one of them.

My son had a degree in International Finance and was a successful accountant. Somewhere along the line he got hooked on vodka and kept it hidden from friends, family and employer. Eventually it caught up with him and despite everyone giving him support, AA meetings and Norfolk Mental Health providing professional counselling he just couldn't give it up. He lost everything and the only solace he could find was in the bottle, plus recreational drugs when his only friends were other addicts.

We were in a real quandary, because we still loved him but if we gave him money, food, cleaning items, etc it just meant that his DHSS payments could be spent on alcohol. It was very upsetting not to be able to help him, but his social workers said that "well meaning" folk are one of the greatest inhibitors of drug-reduction programmes. I appreciate that you are coming at this from a different perspective, based on your own success, but I would ask all concerned to consider the wider picture, especially at this time of "goodwill to ALL men".

We will always love him and try every day to think of the good times. One consolation is that, despite being 39y old when he died, he did not have any long-term relationships nor children who would have to deal with his sorry situation.

Merry Xmas to all.

Reading this and I'm reading about my late Brother Tony, he died in 1986 aged 34. No matter how much you tried to help him he would carry on as before he was in self destruct mode.

John.

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[TheBig1]

we lost the wifes sister to alcohol 2 tears ago so also feel the pain for you

i am a very firm believer in paying it forwards and the what goes around comes around. our church was really struggling a few years ago and needed some major roof repairs. we got several quotes from local companies of about £20k and seriously considered closing the doors. then by chance I met a local guy who was a self employed builder. anyway, it transpired that his late mother had been a member of our church years ago. so he did the work at a little over cost price £7k. the church congregation raised the money and the church has long since turned the corner and is well attended again

my mum passed away a few months back and my sister and myself inherited her house. dad was a general builder but died long ago and just like the cobblers wife going barefoot, a builders home is sometimes neglected. such was the case with this house. so my first thought was to contact the builder that saved the church to see if he needed any work. it transpired that he had not been working for a few months as his wife is very unwell and needs care at home. they were getting to a point where their savings were dwindling. since then I have been finding him loads of jobs on the house and recomending him again to friends. He has done all the jobs slowly working for about 6 hours a day. Again he did not want to overcharge me but I have made sure to pay him in cash and always give a good drink on top.

I dont think of it as doing a good deed, its repaying a great kindness and giving him back the opportunity it gave to our church years ago. from what he has said, he now has work well into next year and in the spring I will get him back in for a conservatory that needs replacing

 

[Rapido925M]

Please rapido do not think i was making light of your sons situation,it mortifies me to think you may think that ! it was not meant as a character assasination in any way ! ...... Everybody has a choice,,thats all i meant.... Sincerely,ian...

It never crossed my mind. I know (almost) everyone on here will offer sympathy when folk are in need of their support and I'm pleased to say that I'm more or less past that stage.

My only reason for posting was to alert folk to the plight of some homeless people and how the "obvious" way of showing help may actually be the worst. I have talked to several medical staff and police officers who dealt with Matthew during his last weeks in Thetford. All say that he was polite, articulate, affable and amenable. It was very difficult to tell that he was an alcoholic.

So that is my reason for posting. "Pay It Forward" is a favourite film and a philosophy with which I agree. Unfortunately, as I am trying to stress, giving some street-dwellers money can actually make their situation worse. Knowing which ones fall into this category is not easy so I will, one last time, urge readers to find some other way of providing support, especially during this season of giving.

 

[ianthebuilder]

Point taken...

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