On the subject of cassette toilets and the gentleman's vegetables. (1 Viewer)

[Tootles]

Insert into rectum...

HEY!!! Lets have none of that theatrical stuff here!!!

 

[Bailey58]

I have followed this post with interest as I am always keen to learn about the finer points of motorhoming.
So could some of you old hands on here tell me how you deal with the type that sounds like a flock of birds taking off and has the consistency of pebble dash. Look forward to your replies.

If you're aware of the consistency soon enough best go across to the site loos and let them clean up after you. Closed between 10.30 and 12.00 remember

 

[2spritelyislanders]

I'm supposed to be getting all the last minute things done today for the 'off' tommorrow but just can't keep away from this thread. As an ex nurse thought I'd heard just about every poo joke going but I was wrong, so wrong - brilliant thread

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[TheBig1]

I'm supposed to be getting all the last minute things done today for the 'off' tommorrow but just can't keep away from this thread. As an ex nurse thought I'd heard just about every poo joke going but I was wrong, so wrong - brilliant thread

jokes? they're not jokes. it's a serious subject crapology

we have studied for many years to be so knowledgeable about all matters to do with downloading the perfect poo. just sitting down and let nature take it's course is just not an option

 

[daveandsan]

While on this subject, assuming the aiming tube, laser or bomb aimer has done its job does anyone then have the problem of the offending object then welding itself to the bottom of the cassette. Our cassette was used one August Bank holiday and the afore mentioned was still appearing next Easter whilst being cleaned out.
I am sure it could be used as a replacement for silkaflex as it seems to have the same properties or am I talking a load of $h-t.

 

[Simon]

I've considered a system of mirrors and a laser but I remain convinced that either there is not enough room to accommodate a modern gentleman's posterior and his vegetables within the dated poo device, or my equipment of merriment is further away from the exhaust pipe than it should be, biologically speaking.

It's all very well getting the aim right but if this does actually necessitate certain dangly parts of the anatomy being outside the bowl (on the 'cheeseboard', I am reliably informed, although I am yet to find it), this brings its own problems:

On occasion, mid-way through the launch of the torpedoes, there is further, and quite unexpected, widdling. Where does it hide? Nobody knows.

This would be most unfortunate, considering the new position of the outlet, and would doubtless be frowned upon by The Other Occupant. I can't help thinking that motorhoming brings more problems than it solves.

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[Simon]

While on this subject, assuming the aiming tube, laser or bomb aimer has done its job does anyone then have the problem of the offending object then welding itself to the bottom of the cassette. Our cassette was used one August Bank holiday and the afore mentioned was still appearing next Easter whilst being cleaned out.
I am sure it could be used as a replacement for silkaflex as it seems to have the same properties or am I talking a load of $h-t.

I assume you put about a litre of water into the cassette with the bio-munching stuff before use? Heaving ho into a dry plastic box is going to cause nothing but difficulties.

 

[Simon]

Less carbs especially beer and bread in you diet.

Less beer? Less beer? Less beer??

I'll consider less grapefruit but that's the best I can do.

 

[Dawn B]

It's ok for us ladies, we sh!t chocolates.................

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[Simon]

It's ok for us ladies, we sh!t chocolates.................

I beg to differ, in the strongest terms possible.

 

[Dawn B]

I beg to differ, in the strongest terms possible.

And you know this, how?

 

[Simon]

And you know this, how?

I lives with a woman wot loves chocolate. If she was self sufficient I wouldn't have to spend so much on it.

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[Dawn B]

I lives with a woman wot loves chocolate. If she was self sufficient I wouldn't have to spend so much on it.

Perhaps like me, she prefers to eat the white variety

 

[Wyaye wires]

Methinks someone is talking a load of chocolate...

 

[jockaneezer]

Reminds me of the massive turd I did a couple of years ago, I was so impressed, I shouted on Val to come and look at it "it must weigh at least 3 pounds" I said. She didn't want to look at it, but when I persuaded her to go into the bathroom she said "I'm looking in the toilet but can't see it" I shouted through to her " that's because it's on the bathroom scales"

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[Tootles]

Reminds me of the massive turd I did a couple of years ago

You need reminding about a three pounder? My God, I'm surprised your elastication still works! You should be named in the Andrex Book of Records!!

 

[Tootles]

offending object then welding itself to the bottom of the cassette.

That would be a stalacshite.

 

[Bailey58]

Reminds me of the massive turd I did a couple of years ago, I was so impressed, I shouted on Val to come and look at it "it must weigh at least 3 pounds" I said. She didn't want to look at it, but when I persuaded her to go into the bathroom she said "I'm looking in the toilet but can't see it" I shouted through to her " that's because it's on the bathroom scales"

You may jest, I don't know, but in a former life running a Care Home I was called to a certain room one day as the loo wouldn't flush and was in danger of overflowing. Well this room was the first outlet to the drains and had it's own inspection chamber just outside the window. On lifting the cover I took an involuntary step back as I laid eyes on the most enormous turd I'd ever had the misfortune to see.

Being the first chamber it was fairly shallow and easy to reach but said turd filled the entire 110mm half round pipe and was blocking the exit. It was such a sight to behold I called the staff out to see it for themselves. After much discussion we all agreed as it was so compact and perfectly formed it wasn't a build up of several days supply but definitely one stool. This was backed up when it emerged Mrs Thingy (name changed to protect the innocent) hadn't "been" for about a week despite lashings of Lactulose.

The staff, the cook wiping her hands on her apron as she was wont to do, all went back to their duties leaving me to tackle the thing with a spade in an attempt to break it down in a more manageable size. To add to my woes this chamber was right at the front of the house and the afternoon visitors walked past it on the way to the front door so every time a car drove in I had to cover it up again before continuing with the job.

There's a lot more we had to put up with, you've all heard about the constipated mathematician, well his solution had nothing on the methods some of our old ladies got up to.

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[DBK]

Brilliant! Pity you couldn't have broken a bottle of syrup of figs over its bow and launched it down the sewer.

 

[Debs]

Oh nooooo pLease not another night of this, my sides can't take it I've just spit my cuppa over the dog and she's gone off in a huff

 

[makems]

It's ok for us ladies, we sh!t chocolates.................

Same colour I grant you, but there the similarity ends.

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[makems]

I have followed this post with interest as I am always keen to learn about the finer points of motorhoming.
So could some of you old hands on here tell me how you deal with the type that sounds like a flock of birds taking off and has the consistency of pebble dash. Look forward to your replies.

Easy.
A quick scrub around the bowl with a toothbrush followed by a quick flush and Bob's your aunty.

PS If you use your Wife's toothbrush make sure you give it a good rinse before putting it back in the toothbrush holder

 

[Simon]

Easy.
A quick scrub around the bowl with a toothbrush followed by a quick flush and Bob's your aunty.

PS If you use your Wife's toothbrush make sure you give it a good rinse before putting it back in the toothbrush holder

"If"?

 

[Debs]

Easy.
A quick scrub around the bowl with a toothbrush followed by a quick flush and Bob's your aunty.

PS If you use your Wife's toothbrush make sure you give it a good rinse before putting it back in the toothbrush holder

- gosh hate to think what you'd do if you were pee'd off at her

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[jockaneezer]

As an engineering apprentice back in the 70's someone from the fitting shop used to leave the occasional 'bog otter' in the gents but used to push in a couple of dead matches for 'eyes'

 

[golly]

We never do it with the flap open,none of us likes the thought of splash back on the arse.We keep the flap closed ,give a couple of short flushes to wet the sides and cover the flap ,then lay.
Even the largest of MrsVlads turds slips down if rule number one is followed.


Vlad

Not to mention staining you backside a nice shade of baboon blue.

 

[gus-lopez]

This is hilarious.

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[DBK]

As an engineering apprentice back in the 70's someone from the fitting shop used to leave the occasional 'bog otter' in the gents but used to push in a couple of dead matches for 'eyes'

Must be an engineering thing. In the factory I was working in as an apprentice someone crowned a similar offering with a little "I'm backing Britain" flag on a matchstick.

 

[Tootles]

This is hilarious.

It gets better.........

 

[Munchie]

We once did a walk in the Yorkshire forests called "the Blue Man" as I remember it was around 17 miles!

It pi##ed down every inch of the walk!!!
Around half way round was a wooden "bothy" so we decided we would have a break, dry off and have our sarnies!
As we entered the hut, just inside the door, on a bench, was...........a turd with a Union Flag stuck in it!!!!!

In the words of the phrophet.......great joy!!!!!

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