IMPORTANCE of examining your finances (1 Viewer)

[camperlove]

But this sort of relationship "evolves" over a long time and becomes a bit like Pavlova's dog sort of indoctrination that is beyond correction so far down the line.

yes it does and to answer others posts regarding her relationship. I have heard that he has been unfaithful twice of which she knows of, has caught him watching porn, he does physically abuse her. She however only hinted to me such things. Its apparently common knowledge at church. HOWEVER, after careful consideration, I decided to mostly mind my own business and stay clear of this matter.
All I said was, if she wanted to go into sheltered housing I would assist her. She didn't know what sheltered housing was.
I did not push the matter BECAUSE she might be lonely by herself, and might be placed away from her church friends. She might be financially worse off, being used to him paying the household bills. I don't want to be blamed for anything which might end her marriage, and have the church frown at me. There are several elderly ladies in the same position.
Its bad enough teaching one drive, now another wants computer lessons, another wants her finances looked at and try claim PIP , im still trying to finish off what i started with the other lady. Im not going down the relationship route.....most in the church will land up single and divorced, and ill be kicked out.!!!!!

 

[Lenny HB]

My dad learnt the internet in his 70s, and went on to learn how to download music and movies.
Everyone needs someone to start them off ie, where is the power button, I had a page and now its gone, what is the arrow for. etc

Mother in law has just bought her first computer at 86 and now keeping up with the family on Facebook.

As he is still working and she is doing all this work I have to ask how old are they, sounds like 60's if so seems incredible that she is so nieve and been taken for a ride by a right barsted of a husband.

 

[iandsm]

If there are several elderly (67?) ladies in the same predicament with abusive non caring husbands who watch porn and are unfaithful and who themselves have little knowledge of daily life including financial matters I am starting to think that backing off and letting them sort their own lives out with the aid of family might be the best course unless a specific request is made. After all, it's not possible to run everyone's life for them and get deeply involved in what are essentially private matters. I doubt the husbands (who are not able to comment or defend themselves) or the families of these ladies would be so keen on the OP who is,after all, an outsider taking such a close involvement.

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[Just smiffy]

I'd get her onto lawyers and the divorce route with a husband like that and take him for everything he's got......

 

[iandsm]

If there are several elderly (67?) ladies in the same predicament with abusive non caring husbands who watch porn and are unfaithful, allegedly, and who themselves have little knowledge of daily life including financial matters I am starting to think that backing off and letting them sort their own lives out with the aid of family might be the best course unless a specific request is made. After all, it's not possible to run everyone's life for them and get deeply involved in what are essentially private matters. I doubt the husbands (who are not able to comment or defend themselves) or the families of these ladies would be so keen on the OP who is,after all, an outsider taking such a close involvement.

 

[tonyidle]

true, but its a bit hard when your husband wont let you use his computer, you don't have your own to learn on, and you don't know where to start with the internet, age concern is miles away, and you live in the country with little busses, and WOMEN in those days were brought up to be dependant on their husbands.
That's why im going to teach her the basics of logging on and doing research. My dad learnt the internet in his 70s, and went on to learn how to download music and movies.
Everyone needs someone to start them off ie, where is the power button, I had a page and now its gone, what is the arrow for. etc

"In those days!!!" I don't know of anyone of that age that was brought up to be dependant on their husbands - you're thinking of the previous generation. There is no excuse whatsoever for someone of 67 being unable to access, buy, or use, a computer. It's a question of choice. Look around this forum - you'll find the over-60s seriously outnumber the younger members. My wife & I both have our own smartphones (Samsung Galaxy 5s), both have our own tablets, have a PC each, and I have a laptop as well. I believe most Forum members will be similar or will have more tech. (if you do let me know 'cos I want it as well) .

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[camperlove]

them sort their own lives

that's why I wont get involved in the relationship side. When we all went out for coffee, only one person seemed to have a good marriage. Everyone seemed to know everyones business, offering sympathies and making statements like....well im glad he is communicating better etc. I don't attend church often so don't know much about anyone, and couldn't join in. I left the meeting thinking im not missing out on much being single, and feeling a bit sad. However I wanted to know why this one woman who clearly could not walk easily, was working. I didn't like the thought of her having to work just for £50 a month debt. Not sure what upset me more, knowing she has work in such pain, or the fact that marriage isn't as great as what I thought it should be.
However, I didn't want the thread to be about relationships. I was just trying to pass on a message, that there are other ways of sorting debt out. ie newer credit cards offering better deals etc. don't just stay in the same rut. I myself was in that rut with a credit card over 30 years old, until a few weeks ago!!!!! NO benefits of all the deals I got with the nationwide (already posted about that), with a very high interest rate. LOL made a mistake myself if you read the nationwide flex benefits I posted. Didn't do research. My new 0 % credit card is only 12 months, not 4 years. Would I have thought of getting a new card.? NO, why should I have had that thought. Nothing wrong with the one I had as far as I knew. I didn't know there were better ones out there. The only reason I opened up other accounts was cause my accountant told me to separate business and personal transactions.

 

[camperlove]

I believe most Forum members will be similar

Motorhomers are more adventurous and knowledgeable and independent, due to their lifestyle and interests, than an elderly lady who attends church, or even a young person. There is a huge difference in personalities, and ABILITY. Don't want to explain how, as you should know you aren't like your neighbour or neighbours neighbour who holiday in a hotel.

 

[Zepp]

Another well done from me very good of you to help her

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[busby]

That reminds me, have not had a pocket money rise for some time.

Me neither,,,shall blame you when i ask the wife for a rise,,,BUSBY

 

[Zains Pops]

If the husband actually is not well, how on earth did he get travel insurance for the USA. If he is there without insurance he must be brain dead, if he has insurance there ain't anything wrong with him!

 

[busby]

If the husband actually is not well, how on earth did he get travel insurance for the USA. If he is there without insurance he must be brain dead, if he has insurance there ain't anything wrong with him!

Or he is telling the insurance co PORKYS,,,BUSBY.

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[camperlove]

Thank you all for your input and concerns. I wish this thread not to judge partners, marriage, relationships. it was only meant like I said before, to be informative. Information I didn't have , or rather bothered to look into myself, I found for someone else. Please note a couple from my church are on this site. Along with funders from my area, I have met. This thread was started or meant to be informative. Not judgemental on relationships. Thanks to you all.

 

[Wildbill]

Thank you all for your input and concerns. I wish this thread not to judge partners, marriage, relationships. it was only meant like I said before, to be informative. Information I didn't have , or rather bothered to look into myself, I found for someone else. Please note a couple from my church are on this site. Along with funders from my area, I have met. This thread was started or meant to be informative. Not judgemental on relationships. Thanks to you all.

Well done for helping the woman the internet will open up a hole new world to her
And possibly remove the sheltered life she has Ben leading
Willdbill

 

[Steve and Denise]

There lies the problem educating women

^{_{Subscribers  do not see these advertisements}}

 

[Minxy]

Thank you all for your input and concerns. I wish this thread not to judge partners, marriage, relationships. it was only meant like I said before, to be informative. Information I didn't have , or rather bothered to look into myself, I found for someone else. Please note a couple from my church are on this site. Along with funders from my area, I have met. This thread was started or meant to be informative. Not judgemental on relationships. Thanks to you all.

Whilst it is great that you've been helping, and posting info for others, if, as you say, there are people from the church and funders who frequent this site then you really should NOT be posting private details of this lady's personal life on here for them to see. Put your own info on here by all means if you wish, but posting private stuff like that without her permission to do so, knowing that people who know her may see it is, IMV, unwise.

 

[camperlove]

Whilst it is great that you've been helping, and posting info for others, if, as you say, there are people from the church and funders who frequent this site then you really should NOT be posting private details of this lady's personal life on here for them to see. Put your own info on here by all means if you wish, but posting private stuff like that without her permission to do so, knowing that people who know her may see it is, IMV, unwise.

THANK YOU for your input. I have examined what I have posted. Very wise words, and I thank you for pointing out where I could go wrong. Looking back on all posts, I don't see how anyone can trace my church or tie up one person to another. BUT I take on board I need to be careful to not slander and protect other persons id. Like I originally said, I meant to hurt no one, disrespect either sex, I wish not to venture into relationships I wanted this thread to be informative about looking at your finances.