How to Survive and identify Australians if you are thinking of touring there (1 Viewer)

[Kiwi Coss]

TIPS TO SURVIVING AUSTRALIA (the Euro-centric viewpt):

Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason WHATSOEVER.
The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is.
Always carry a stick.
Air-conditioning is imperative.
Do not attempt to use Australian slang unless you are a trained linguist and extremely good in a fist fight.
Wear thick socks.
Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby.
If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die. And don't forget a stick.
Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.

HOW TO IDENTIFY AUSTRALIANS

They waddle when they walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in their wallet or purse.
They pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
They think it makes perfect sense to decorate highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
They think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place, that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga", but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
Their hamburgers will contain beetroot. Apparently it's a must-have.
They don't think it's summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
They believe that all train timetables are works of fiction.
And they all carry a stick!

 

[Queenzlander]

More on Surviving Australia.....

Swimming in the sea or rivers , take a BIG stick....
Some meat pies can be addictive.
Kangaroos can do lots of damage to your car if you hit them.
There is no clouds, only sunshine, so a big hat is necessary, preferably with corks hanging down.
Always keep hydrated, with beer. The water can't be trusted anywhere.
"Just down the road," can be two days away
.
Hooroo cobber.

 

[Kiwi Coss]

The last one especially true.

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[wasp]

Last time we went I got hooked on Big Dad`s Pies they were absolutely to die for
I put a stone an a half whilst I was there and drank a lot of the amber nectar

 

[Scout]

We meet four aussies in Cognac this summer, they were really nice people, they didn't have a cork hat, they did have an old German motorhome they had "time swapped" their home down under for for a while.