Customers that make us laugh! (1 Viewer)

eddie

LIFE MEMBER
Oct 4, 2007
8,126
41,033
Taunton Somerset
Funster No
540
MH
RV
Exp
since 1989
"Good morning, I spoke to you at Detling, and we discussed Solar Panels" (We always accept spoke to you, as spoke to either me (eddie) Geoff, Ashley, James or Lyn)

"OK, Sir" and went on to give a description of what we offer.

"How much is that?"

"549.00 Installed with out dual battery charging system"

"I was quoted £500 at Detling!"

"Really? all of our prices lists and offer sheets are printed, are you a member of Motorhome Fun?

"Yes"

"Ah well that explains it then, you'll receive £54.90 exclusive Motorhome Fun discount"

"When can you do it?"

"Our lead time is about four weeks, at Taunton..........." "I need it done this week he interrupted, you've got a mobile bloke that does this area"

"Which area would that be?"

"Kent, Sevenoaks in Kent"

"OK and you want it down this week, hold the line please (as I check the mobile workshops diary) "Hi, yes we could re-arrange this Thursday so he could come up from Brighton to Sevenoaks, Do you want think about that and phone us back? So long as you let us know within a couple of hours we can re-schedule his diary for you"

"OK thanks"

With that I made a note in the day book, what I'd suggested.

Went back into the office about an hour ago and saw my message crossed out!
so I asked:- "Did the Sevenoaks man phone back?"

"Yes, but he doesn't want to go ahead"

"Why?" I asked

"He didn't like the 30p a mile charge, which will eat up half his Motorhome Fun discount, and he's not happy that we didn't include the mileage when you told him the price was £549 less 10% MHFUN discount"

Aren't folks funny? how are we meant to know where they live if they don't tell us :ROFLMAO:

Anyone know of any good clairvoyant classes that I and my staff can attend;)
 
Sep 12, 2012
1,677
3,328
Wengen
Funster No
22,871
MH
A/S Broadway EL 2021
Exp
Since 2010
Apart from the customers, suppliers, staff & the paperwork, I really loved running my own business :RollEyes:

Can't for the life of me remember why I retired! :Smile:
 

Puddleduck

LIFE MEMBER
Jan 15, 2014
12,357
43,865
Scottish Borders
Funster No
29,703
MH
Without at present
Exp
On and off for many years.
Just had something similar last week. Lady phoned on Thursday, please. please, please could we send out same day for next day delivery...... I rushed around and managed to get the order packed and shipped Special Delivery - just made it to the post office the collection man was waiting! Sunday she phoned to say she no longer needed it as she has sold her horse and could she send it back for a full refund!!!

I've said to send it back at her expense and I'll refund the cost of the product. I won't be able to resell as I don't know how it has been stored over the weekend.
 
Jan 28, 2008
10,104
18,259
Dovercourt, Harwich, UK
Funster No
1,353
MH
Renalt burstner
Exp
7 years campers before that
many years ago i did second hand car spares the conversation went like this
cust got a rad for a 1970 viva?
me yes mate 15 quid
cust 15 quid!!!!! there only a tenner round wordsworths
me ok go and get one from them
cust they dont have any
come back here when i haven't got any they'll be a tenner here as well

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Chris

LIFE MEMBER
May 5, 2010
21,006
274,550
Funster No
11,412
MH
None
Exp
10 years
Doesn't surprise me at all.

I did some work recently for a client and recovered all the costs from the other side.

That's quite rare .

Anyway, the client satisfaction questionnaire went out as is normal.

Surprise came with the comments on the survey.

Apparently I should also have recovered her postage charges in writing to me - about £5. WTF:doh:
 

Forestboy

LIFE MEMBER
Jul 31, 2007
5,023
8,338
Forest of Dean
Funster No
46
MH
A Class Hymer B694 tag
Exp
9
My business customer base at one time was 80 % public 20% industrial it was a nightmare.
Made a conscious decision to change it and stop dealing with Joe Public. Over 3 years it turned around to 80% industrial 20% public and went from strength to strength especially when I leased out the side dealing with the public and just took a percentage of the profit. Never missed dealing with Joe Public for one day.

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DuxDeluxe

LIFE MEMBER
Jul 10, 2008
14,627
72,236
Planet Zog
Funster No
3,243
MH
A woosh bang van
Exp
since 2008
Try dealing with shipowners......... They make a Yorkshire sheep farmer look generous. And they are past masters at wanting something for nothing and then trying to sue you when it doesn't quite work out as they wanted despite what the contract says. One reason why I like lawyers... (Or at least the ones that don't charge by the second)
 

Forestboy

LIFE MEMBER
Jul 31, 2007
5,023
8,338
Forest of Dean
Funster No
46
MH
A Class Hymer B694 tag
Exp
9
Try dealing with shipowners......... They make a Yorkshire sheep farmer look generous. And they are past masters at wanting something for nothing and then trying to sue you when it doesn't quite work out as they wanted despite what the contract says. One reason why I like lawyers... (Or at least the ones that don't charge by the second)

:) tell me about used to load ships for a living.
 
OP
OP
eddie

eddie

LIFE MEMBER
Oct 4, 2007
8,126
41,033
Taunton Somerset
Funster No
540
MH
RV
Exp
since 1989
That's the daft bit. We charge 30p per mile from Seaford to the job and back using RAC route planner with no hourly rate. It's a new arm to our business, truthfully with a view of opening another Van Bitz / Cornish Farm Touring Park set up, East/West Sussex.

So if you work out the true cost of diesel and say an average of about 25 MPG it's as cheap for our mobile service to come to you if you live in the South East as we don't yet charge travelling time.

But we can't quote you the 30p a mile until we know were you live :doh:
 

Scattycat

Free Member
Jan 3, 2013
920
1,262
Mayenne, France
Funster No
24,131
MH
Rapido
Exp
Since 2010
We used to have a flooring business. An old lady picked out a sample of carpet she liked and I gave her a price, she then said she had a price from another company for the same carpet and presented me with their quote and sample and asked me what discount I could offer her, I replied that I didn't give discounts on my prices because she had asked me for my best price and if I now reduced the price I had lied to her. She said the other company had given her a 10% discount for the same carpet. I checked the quote she showed me and showed her that my price was lower than their discounted price so I was still giveing her a better deal than they had offered. But they have given me a discount. Yes, I said but even with their discount I am still cheaper for the same product.
Oh, she said, you're trying to confuse me and pull the wool over my eyes, I'm going to use the other company, it's a better deal.

Sometimes you wonder how some people have managed to live so long
 

Gorse Hill

Free Member
Feb 2, 2013
2,364
1,944
Stretford
Funster No
24,533
MH
Burnster Ixeo IT 734
Exp
2000
Think ITV/BBC should do a program on Customers from Hell
There's plenty of the nuggets out there
 

DuxDeluxe

LIFE MEMBER
Jul 10, 2008
14,627
72,236
Planet Zog
Funster No
3,243
MH
A woosh bang van
Exp
since 2008
Yes - had a few of Scattycat's customers in the past. They pay more because they simply think it is cheap. I call it tariff engineering - we always try to steer customers to the bottom number on the invoice but there are none so blind as those who will not see
 

JJ

Mágica
May 1, 2008
19,228
47,725
Quinta Majay, Pinheiro Bordalo, Portugal
Funster No
2,459
MH
Burstner Privilege T
Exp
over 50 years
In a much, much earlier life as a (4th division) professional magician many of the people who hired my act did so because I was expensive...

They were Thatcher's children and thought the higher the price the better the quality...

Idiots!

Where would I be without bullsh*t?

Poorer.

4th division act but 2nd division fee... :)


JJ :cool:

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Puddleduck

LIFE MEMBER
Jan 15, 2014
12,357
43,865
Scottish Borders
Funster No
29,703
MH
Without at present
Exp
On and off for many years.
That's the daft bit. We charge 30p per mile from Seaford to the job and back using RAC route planner with no hourly rate. It's a new arm to our business, truthfully with a view of opening another Van Bitz / Cornish Farm Touring Park set up, East/West Sussex.

So if you work out the true cost of diesel and say an average of about 25 MPG it's as cheap for our mobile service to come to you if you live in the South East as we don't yet charge travelling time.

But we can't quote you the 30p a mile until we know were you live :doh:


30p a mile is VERY reasonable. If we lived in one of your service areas we wouldn't hesitate with an offer like that.
 

Puddleduck

LIFE MEMBER
Jan 15, 2014
12,357
43,865
Scottish Borders
Funster No
29,703
MH
Without at present
Exp
On and off for many years.
I used to do book-keeping for a plumber / bathroom fitter.

He put in a bathroom for a client, they bought the suite and tiles. After he had finished they didn't like it and wouldn't pay. He took them to court and they then counter claimed he had damaged the suite when fitting it and they had had to get someone else to take the damaged suite out and fit another - they claimed for a replacement suite and costs of fitting even though they hadn't paid the first invoice!

My client won but only because they had written to him saying the bathroom had been fitted by him satisfactorily but they didn't like it and why hadn't he asked them to inspect before finishing the installation (they were on holiday at the time of fitting). Under cross examination they admitted to damaging the suite my client had fitted deliberately.

Even though he won the case with the publicity and costs he decided to wind up the business.
 
May 6, 2010
547
638
Doncaster
Funster No
11,436
MH
2022
Exp
April 2010
Had a customer ask me today "how much for a machine polish"
Told him the price,
"oh the guy I used to use charged me xx (a 3rd of price I had just quoted him !)
Do they want a job I ask him :)
I told him ours is a two stage machine polish + hand polish & wax
"oh how much if you don't use all that stuff ?"
And how am I meant to do the job say's I !!! :doh:

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Popeye

Deceased RIP
Sep 5, 2011
7,926
86,461
edge of New Forest
Funster No
18,072
MH
Frankia Platin Plus
Exp
On and off since 1983
I know I've written on here before about this but when we used to write estimates for our work we always wrote on the bottom this quote:

"There is nothing in this life that some unscrupulous fellow cannot make a little cheaper and hence a little nastier and anyone who considers price alone are this mans legitimate prey."

You'd be amazed how many customers gave it some thought and then accepted are estimate.
 
Jan 4, 2012
2,240
2,022
somerset
Funster No
19,320
MH
Fiat Ducato
Exp
A few years now
Customer asks how much,
£££ + vat i say

Oh , how much for
Had a customer ask me today "how much for a machine polish"
Told him the price,
"oh the guy I used to use charged me xx (a 3rd of price I had just quoted him !)
Do they want a job I ask him :)
I told him ours is a two stage machine polish + hand polish & wax
"oh how much if you don't use all that stuff ?"
And how am I meant to do the job say's I !!! :doh:

I have in the past had customers in for a estimate and before i say anything they say "i don`t want a posh job done , just make it look ok"

So i say " ok, you tell me how much you want to spend and i`ll tell you what you will get"

"oh , i only want to spend £200" --- on a job that should cost £400 to do it properly.

So if i do the £200 job the first thing they will say is " Oh , it did not come out as i expected":mad::doh:


Not any more i don`t, it`s the correct price or try elsewhere(y)
 
OP
OP
eddie

eddie

LIFE MEMBER
Oct 4, 2007
8,126
41,033
Taunton Somerset
Funster No
540
MH
RV
Exp
since 1989
LOL Another call this morning, I am looking for a regulator for a 165w panel, I don't need anything very good quality: Cheep and cheerful!

I pointed out that nothing we supplied fell into that category !

"Ok, thanks"

Bye !
 
Apr 27, 2008
11,793
13,950
Eastbourne East Sussex
Funster No
2,327
MH
Hymer low profile
Exp
Since 1972
I'll
That's the daft bit. We charge 30p per mile from Seaford to the job and back using RAC route planner with no hourly rate. It's a new arm to our business, truthfully with a view of opening another Van Bitz / Cornish Farm Touring Park set up, East/West Sussex.

So if you work out the true cost of diesel and say an average of about 25 MPG it's as cheap for our mobile service to come to you if you live in the South East as we don't yet charge travelling time.

But we can't quote you the 30p a mile until we know were you live :doh:

I'll bear that in mind if I need you to do anything, as I've just worked out that my MH uses 27p of diesel a mile, so your mobile service is effectively costing less than nothing (as I am only 10miles from Seaford and 260 miles from Cornish Farm.):):)
 

Wildman

Free Member
May 30, 2008
0
8,470
Ilfracombe, Devon
Funster No
2,913
MH
Amazon Ambassador
Exp
since 1967
the customer is always right, and laughing at them is counterproductive. There is always someone who will take offence. not all funsters are businessmen some are actually customers, hee hee.

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