Customers that make us laugh!

eddievanbitz

Trader - Funster
Oct 4, 2007
5,305
16,744
Taunton Somerset
MH
RV
Exp
since 1989
"Good morning, I spoke to you at Detling, and we discussed Solar Panels" (We always accept spoke to you, as spoke to either me (eddie) Geoff, Ashley, James or Lyn)

"OK, Sir" and went on to give a description of what we offer.

"How much is that?"

"549.00 Installed with out dual battery charging system"

"I was quoted £500 at Detling!"

"Really? all of our prices lists and offer sheets are printed, are you a member of Motorhome Fun?

"Yes"

"Ah well that explains it then, you'll receive £54.90 exclusive Motorhome Fun discount"

"When can you do it?"

"Our lead time is about four weeks, at Taunton..........." "I need it done this week he interrupted, you've got a mobile bloke that does this area"

"Which area would that be?"

"Kent, Sevenoaks in Kent"

"OK and you want it down this week, hold the line please (as I check the mobile workshops diary) "Hi, yes we could re-arrange this Thursday so he could come up from Brighton to Sevenoaks, Do you want think about that and phone us back? So long as you let us know within a couple of hours we can re-schedule his diary for you"

"OK thanks"

With that I made a note in the day book, what I'd suggested.

Went back into the office about an hour ago and saw my message crossed out!
so I asked:- "Did the Sevenoaks man phone back?"

"Yes, but he doesn't want to go ahead"

"Why?" I asked

"He didn't like the 30p a mile charge, which will eat up half his Motorhome Fun discount, and he's not happy that we didn't include the mileage when you told him the price was £549 less 10% MHFUN discount"

Aren't folks funny? how are we meant to know where they live if they don't tell us :ROFLMAO:

Anyone know of any good clairvoyant classes that I and my staff can attend;)
 

Puddleduck

LIFE MEMBER
Jan 15, 2014
9,187
19,007
Scottish Borders
MH
SunLiving Lido M45SP
Exp
On and off for many years.
Just had something similar last week. Lady phoned on Thursday, please. please, please could we send out same day for next day delivery...... I rushed around and managed to get the order packed and shipped Special Delivery - just made it to the post office the collection man was waiting! Sunday she phoned to say she no longer needed it as she has sold her horse and could she send it back for a full refund!!!

I've said to send it back at her expense and I'll refund the cost of the product. I won't be able to resell as I don't know how it has been stored over the weekend.
 
Jan 28, 2008
5,662
5,581
walthamstow east london
MH
renault burstner delphin
Exp
7 years campers before that
many years ago i did second hand car spares the conversation went like this
cust got a rad for a 1970 viva?
me yes mate 15 quid
cust 15 quid!!!!! there only a tenner round wordsworths
me ok go and get one from them
cust they dont have any
come back here when i haven't got any they'll be a tenner here as well
 

Chris

LIFE MEMBER
May 5, 2010
18,879
52,525
kent
MH
None
Exp
10 years
Doesn't surprise me at all.

I did some work recently for a client and recovered all the costs from the other side.

That's quite rare .

Anyway, the client satisfaction questionnaire went out as is normal.

Surprise came with the comments on the survey.

Apparently I should also have recovered her postage charges in writing to me - about £5. WTF:doh:
 

Forestboy

LIFE MEMBER
Jul 31, 2007
5,118
8,373
Forest of Dean
MH
A Class Hymer B694 tag
Exp
9
My business customer base at one time was 80 % public 20% industrial it was a nightmare.
Made a conscious decision to change it and stop dealing with Joe Public. Over 3 years it turned around to 80% industrial 20% public and went from strength to strength especially when I leased out the side dealing with the public and just took a percentage of the profit. Never missed dealing with Joe Public for one day.
 

DuxDeluxe

LIFE MEMBER
Jul 10, 2008
11,001
28,694
Planet Zog
MH
A Class Le Voyageur
Exp
since 2008
Try dealing with shipowners......... They make a Yorkshire sheep farmer look generous. And they are past masters at wanting something for nothing and then trying to sue you when it doesn't quite work out as they wanted despite what the contract says. One reason why I like lawyers... (Or at least the ones that don't charge by the second)
 

Forestboy

LIFE MEMBER
Jul 31, 2007
5,118
8,373
Forest of Dean
MH
A Class Hymer B694 tag
Exp
9
Try dealing with shipowners......... They make a Yorkshire sheep farmer look generous. And they are past masters at wanting something for nothing and then trying to sue you when it doesn't quite work out as they wanted despite what the contract says. One reason why I like lawyers... (Or at least the ones that don't charge by the second)
:) tell me about used to load ships for a living.
 
OP
eddievanbitz

eddievanbitz

Trader - Funster
Oct 4, 2007
5,305
16,744
Taunton Somerset
MH
RV
Exp
since 1989
That's the daft bit. We charge 30p per mile from Seaford to the job and back using RAC route planner with no hourly rate. It's a new arm to our business, truthfully with a view of opening another Van Bitz / Cornish Farm Touring Park set up, East/West Sussex.

So if you work out the true cost of diesel and say an average of about 25 MPG it's as cheap for our mobile service to come to you if you live in the South East as we don't yet charge travelling time.

But we can't quote you the 30p a mile until we know were you live :doh:
 
Jan 3, 2013
865
1,198
Mayenne, France
MH
Rapido
Exp
Since 2010
We used to have a flooring business. An old lady picked out a sample of carpet she liked and I gave her a price, she then said she had a price from another company for the same carpet and presented me with their quote and sample and asked me what discount I could offer her, I replied that I didn't give discounts on my prices because she had asked me for my best price and if I now reduced the price I had lied to her. She said the other company had given her a 10% discount for the same carpet. I checked the quote she showed me and showed her that my price was lower than their discounted price so I was still giveing her a better deal than they had offered. But they have given me a discount. Yes, I said but even with their discount I am still cheaper for the same product.
Oh, she said, you're trying to confuse me and pull the wool over my eyes, I'm going to use the other company, it's a better deal.

Sometimes you wonder how some people have managed to live so long
 

Gorse Hill

Free Member
Feb 2, 2013
2,368
1,952
Stretford
MH
Burnster Ixeo IT 734
Exp
2000
Think ITV/BBC should do a program on Customers from Hell
There's plenty of the nuggets out there
 

DuxDeluxe

LIFE MEMBER
Jul 10, 2008
11,001
28,694
Planet Zog
MH
A Class Le Voyageur
Exp
since 2008
Yes - had a few of Scattycat's customers in the past. They pay more because they simply think it is cheap. I call it tariff engineering - we always try to steer customers to the bottom number on the invoice but there are none so blind as those who will not see
 

JJ

May 1, 2008
17,289
32,245
Quinta Majay, Pinheiro Bordalo, Portugal
MH
A Class
Exp
over 40 years
In a much, much earlier life as a (4th division) professional magician many of the people who hired my act did so because I was expensive...

They were Thatcher's children and thought the higher the price the better the quality...

Idiots!

Where would I be without bullsh*t?

Poorer.

4th division act but 2nd division fee... :)


JJ :cool:
 

Puddleduck

LIFE MEMBER
Jan 15, 2014
9,187
19,007
Scottish Borders
MH
SunLiving Lido M45SP
Exp
On and off for many years.
That's the daft bit. We charge 30p per mile from Seaford to the job and back using RAC route planner with no hourly rate. It's a new arm to our business, truthfully with a view of opening another Van Bitz / Cornish Farm Touring Park set up, East/West Sussex.

So if you work out the true cost of diesel and say an average of about 25 MPG it's as cheap for our mobile service to come to you if you live in the South East as we don't yet charge travelling time.

But we can't quote you the 30p a mile until we know were you live :doh:

30p a mile is VERY reasonable. If we lived in one of your service areas we wouldn't hesitate with an offer like that.
 

Puddleduck

LIFE MEMBER
Jan 15, 2014
9,187
19,007
Scottish Borders
MH
SunLiving Lido M45SP
Exp
On and off for many years.
I used to do book-keeping for a plumber / bathroom fitter.

He put in a bathroom for a client, they bought the suite and tiles. After he had finished they didn't like it and wouldn't pay. He took them to court and they then counter claimed he had damaged the suite when fitting it and they had had to get someone else to take the damaged suite out and fit another - they claimed for a replacement suite and costs of fitting even though they hadn't paid the first invoice!

My client won but only because they had written to him saying the bathroom had been fitted by him satisfactorily but they didn't like it and why hadn't he asked them to inspect before finishing the installation (they were on holiday at the time of fitting). Under cross examination they admitted to damaging the suite my client had fitted deliberately.

Even though he won the case with the publicity and costs he decided to wind up the business.
 
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