14 year daughter doesn't want to come on next MH holiday :-( (1 Viewer)

[Ralph-n-Bev]

We went to the iow with our 14 year old twins and 16 year old eldest, in the MH. Had a great time. We only did a week there though.
As for leaving her with her elder sibling, if the sibling agrees to be responsible , I'd be fine with it. You know your own children. Better than anyone else on here.
But she'd not have to leave her in at night alone etc. Be there when she came home from school for her etc.
Legally you as parents, are responsible till a child's 17. If anything , God forbid, happened to them. Even if you think they are mature enough to leave alone.
Touch wood we've been lucky with our 3. At 18,18,20 they no longer come with us for weekends , and we are confident leaving them at home . But there all working two of them work Saturdays . They did whilst still at school though . Regularly.
They wouldn't have a house party etc
As Alan Lauren said, mutual trust.
They Still go for the odd weekend P&O mini weekend with us. If we offered to pay this year , for a holiday abroad, the answer would be yes..........it's a freeby after all !

Sometimes kids can get in with the wrong crowd and change , or be easily led. It happened to a few of our kids friends. They have had an awful time of it.
Fortunately , touch wood, we've been ok so far. Now they are earning, out in cars, late home, it's a Different worry. But you have to trust them, and the values you've instilled in them.

 

[Puddleduck]

There are no correct answers - it all depends on your daughters and how reliable they are.

Does she have a friend she could bring along or go and stay with? Or there is always PGL. http://www.pgl.co.uk/

I wouldn't go on holiday with my parents once I got to 14 / 15 as there was always an almighty row after a couple of days of tense stand-off and it was awful waiting for the storm to break and Mum and Dad to start yelling at each other - I would always end up in tears and then they would BOTH start on me.

My elder daughter couldn't be trusted - tried once and never again after that. She was supposed to stay overnight (just one night) with a friend, had a falling out with the friend just after we left and went to the youth club .... told the youth worker we had abandoned her at home alone - we came home to a police reception..... not nice. She went missing several times afterwards and finally left home at 16. We hear from her when she needs cash - she is 30 now. No problems at all with her siblings.

 

[Deleted34567]

My parents trusted me and I respected them for it and didn't abuse their trust either as I didn't want to upset them. I brought my 2 children up with the same principle and it paid off. I have 2 great 20+ kids who are my best friends and who we have mutual respect and trust in.

I concur. Lay down some ground rules and expect her to respect those.

We did the same with our kids but for reasons unknown to me my daughter at 13 turned into the devils own child. This lasted for around 5 years before she became the lovely strong independent person she is today. I always thought I could handle any situation but I must say at times I was despairing. Not any more though we are now closer than ever.

That's heartwarming.
I guess she needed her space and you were brave enough to respect that....... and it proves you were right.

Thankfully our 2 were always willing to be part of any plans we had, as someone else said a skiing holiday was done most years and they couldn't wait to get away.
Kids (wrong, they are young adults at 14) need our trust, our support and our love..... Most turn out just fine.

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[cruiser]

see if you can get her to bring a friend. if not the best of luck.

 

[Langtoftlad]

Seriously what your 14 yr old (minor) wants or doesn't want is actually irrelevant.
She is too young to be left alone, end of.
So the only questions to be answered are:
1. Are you 'comfortable' giving the responsibility to your 21 yr old &
2. Is your 21 yr old comfortable with accepting responsibility for the 14 yr old?

If the true answer to either is "no" then youngster has to come with you... or you don't go.

 

[Spidey]

Thanks everyone, always good to get opinions and hear about similar experiences.

We are lucky both girls are very reliable. Eldest can be a bit annoying still but she will grow out of it. The youngest is very mature and no trouble. I trust them both and feel better that they will be good company for each other. I am sure they will come on all "free" good holidays but i can understand it would boring in the isle of wight. Sadly we are both looking forward to it. We have great neighbours and grandparents 30 min drive away. After all we will only be a few hours away if we need to come home.

Feel loads better thanks

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[Deleted34567]

Seriously what your 14 yr old (minor) wants or doesn't want is actually irrelevant.

Really ?
Strange concept that is.

 

[jhorsf]

Tell her no problem but you have to stay at (insert the relative she would hate to have to stay at ) and see if she still wants to stay at home

 

[Wildbill]

all I can say is good luck but we all went through the teenage years

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[daveandsan]

Just get some booze In and tell her its ok to invite her mates round, I'm sure she will thank you for it.
We were lucky with ours, they either stayed with Grand Parents or came with us when we had a holiday home.

 

[Langtoftlad]

Really ?
Strange concept that is.

Yes, really.
Didn't say its an easy option - but at the end of the day... who is the parent and who is the child?

 

[Deleted34567]

Yes, really.
Didn't say its an easy option - but at the end of the day... who is the parent and who is the child?

Oh, OK
To each their own I suppose.

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[Jim]

Giving 14 year olds a choice! Now that's a concept I bet my three would have enjoyed It's 'choice' where the agony lies; take it away and they'll make the best of it. We have a 14 year old with us right now. Yes we have the odd moment, but she absolutely knows we won't leave her with Gran or big sis, she has to come with us. Go out of you way to give them plenty of fun and I'm sure you'll be fine. Our 14 yo Katie is at most rallies with us, so bring your 14 year old along, they can have a good old moan about us together then

 

[mjltigger]

Yes, really.
Didn't say its an easy option - but at the end of the day... who is the parent and who is the child?

I think you meant to say that 14 yo should do as they are told but their parents should consider the views of the 14 yo when deciding what to tell them.

Anyway, we have 4 between 9 and 17 and only take them on 2 trips a year.. one all inclusive jaunt to a Spanish island in October and a few days in a tent next to the campervan in August. The rest of our trips are juat the two of us. They have no interest in wandering around looking at stuff and so are either expensive or boring holiday companions.

We are a step family though so have no issues leaving them behind (they just go to their other parents) however we are away in June and have said 17 yo can stay in our house. Neighbours will look in and her dad is only around the corner if she needs him. Scary stuff but we feel we can trust her.

 

[Chris]

Scary reading these posts.

Looks like I had best make the most of our 10 year old wanting to come away with us!

My son on the other hand only wants to come if we are going to Rome or something which interests him.

He is off to Strasbourg this morning to take part in a debate in the United Nations chamber.

The real delegates are on holiday but he takes part in an international schools debating organisation called the Mini United Nations.

He absolutely loves it too.

Edit - it's being broadcast live on EPTV too!

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[Spidey]

My eldest took part in mini united nations she loved it.

I could easily make my 14 year old come with us and to be honest she would take it well. She doesn't have tantrums or lose her temper etc. We have never done babysitters, they would only ever stay with grandparents. But on this occasion i am trying to listen to what she wants. She said she is looking forward to spending time with her sister. My eldest lives away from home and is home between terms at uni. Part of me likes the idea of it just being the two if us but there are so few years left with them. Mind you as long as the foreign holidays are free i am sure they will come. When my eldest is a vet they get paid low wages so she wont be able to afford nice holidays for a while.

 

[Wildbill]

Scary reading these posts.

Looks like I had best make the most of our 10 year old wanting to come away with us!

My son on the other hand only wants to come if we are going to Rome or something which interests him.

He is off to Strasbourg this morning to take part in a debate in the United Nations chamber.

The real delegates are on holiday but he takes part in an international schools debating organisation called the Mini United Nations.

He absolutely loves it too.

Edit - it's being broadcast live on EPTV too!

My my eldest grand duter went to one of them now look at the Crimea

 

[2spritelyislanders]

Not surprising our youngest daughter spent a couple of years living on the Isle of Wight she thought it was the most boring place on earth, she now lives in Bangkok.
We have friends on the island not far from us, but an expensive trip & boring.
Go in September when Warners are doing the deals for the elderly you will be lucky to get out of 1st gear.

Oooooh! can't let that one go! We may be famous for dinasaurs on the IOW but we have moved on from the old image of being behind the times over here. We have all the things you can get abroad, sand, sea, good food, entertainment for all ages, lovely scenery, music festivals by the dozen and drunken brawls in the main towns at weekends

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[Lenny HB]

Oooooh! can't let that one go! We may be famous for dinasaurs on the IOW but we have moved on from the old image of being behind the times over here. We have all the things you can get abroad, sand, sea, good food, entertainment for all ages, lovely scenery, music festivals by the dozen and drunken brawls in the main towns at weekends

You may have sun but it's not a nice warm 30 deg plus all summer. My daughter lived in Ryde it was all the drunks & drugies she hated, her other half is a teacher and at the time she was a special needs helper, they couldn't believe how bad the drug problem was on the island. They now are both special needs teachers in Bangkok and love it there.

 

[2spritelyislanders]

You may have sun but it's not a nice warm 30 deg plus all summer. My daughter lived in Ryde it was all the drunks & drugies she hated, her other half is a teacher and at the time she was a special needs helper, they couldn't believe how bad the drug problem was on the island. They now are both special needs teachers in Bangkok and love it there.

No drunks and druggies there of course

 

[2spritelyislanders]

Thanks everyone, always good to get opinions and hear about similar experiences.

We are lucky both girls are very reliable. Eldest can be a bit annoying still but she will grow out of it. The youngest is very mature and no trouble. I trust them both and feel better that they will be good company for each other. I am sure they will come on all "free" good holidays but i can understand it would boring in the isle of wight. Sadly we are both looking forward to it. We have great neighbours and grandparents 30 min drive away. After all we will only be a few hours away if we need to come home.

Feel loads better thanks

When are you coming over to the IOW? If we're around and not off wandering around the mainland, you will be very welcome to pop in for a cuppa. If you want some ideas of where to go and what's on while you're here, we could send you some info before you come over, if you like. Hope you have a lovely holiday

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[FIDGET]

Yep right about drugs !!! , I'm on most of them !!! , I think I must be a test bed for my doctor & NHS.
As SpritelyIslanders have said it's a lovely island , yes we do have usual problems the same as anywhere else but def not in a hgh proportion, personally haven't notice any problems at all, Yes it is a bit slower pace than a lot of places but VERY relaxing !!
Well worth a visit

 

[Photo4x4]

If she has an iPhone, you can download an App called "Find Friends". It's free and (assuming she doesn't switch it off) you can track her wherever she goes

No, false security. It only shows you where HER mobile 'phone is! She can leave that at home and then the world's her oyster.

KH

 

[Lenny HB]

No drunks and druggies there of course

They are everywhere of course just that there was a disproportionate amount of problems in the schools they were working in, compared to schools they have worked in on the mainland.

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[2spritelyislanders]

They are everywhere of course just that there was a disproportionate amount of problems in the schools they were working in, compared to schools they have worked in on the mainland.

That's so sad to hear, I often tell people the island caught up with mainland years ago, I didn't realise we'd surpassed it in that way My daughter is a teacher on the island and we have two grandaughters. Like you say, these problems are everywhere. I think we are fortunate that the island is a small community where problems like this are not easy to ignore or hide. Drug and alcohol abuse are addressed very comprehensively by some very skilled and dedicated drug and alcohol workers. The island has a reputation for being a very safe and wonderful place to bring up children and as a family, we can testify to that in many ways

 

[Spidey]

When are you coming over to the IOW? If we're around and not off wandering around the mainland, you will be very welcome to pop in for a cuppa. If you want some ideas of where to go and what's on while you're here, we could send you some info before you come over, if you like. Hope you have a lovely holiday

Thank you that is very kind. Not sure what we are planning to do yet. What's your recommendations

 

[carolyn]

I would discuss with your 21 year old whether or not she would be happy being the responsible adult. If she is happy then I don't really see a problem. You are in Wiltshire and are only away for a few days so with a few ground rules I would do it. If there was a problem you could be home in no time. I am assuming the 14 year old and 21 year old would be in the same house. We have done similar with no problems on a number of occasions, it seems like a compromise.

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[FIDGET]

Hi Spidey,
Don't mean to steal 2spriteleyislanders thunder, but it depends on what sort of site and what sort of things you interested in, then either of us can help.
Whitefieldforest c/site in my opinion is one of the nicest, no frills, good toilet block .

 

[Spidey]

Hi Spidey,
Don't mean to steal 2spriteleyislanders thunder, but it depends on what sort of site and what sort of things you interested in, then either of us can help.
Whitefieldforest c/site in my opinion is one of the nicest, no frills, good toilet block .

Yes that is where we are staying

 

[FIDGET]

Good choice, Bus stop 100 yds from entrance, half a mile walk thru bridleway to tesco or drive by road. anywhere on the island no more than 40 mins. loads of places worth visiting , (depending size of moho) ours is just under 7mtr & 2.3 wide , 90% of places I haven't had a problem. Any help just ask , when are you coming over.

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