5 Regrets people have on their deathbed... (1 Viewer)

Bryan

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5 Regrets people have on their deathbed...


Bronnie Ware is a woman who was in close contact with the dying for years. She wrote a top 5 list of regrets people have on their deathbed.

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Bronnie Ware:

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:


1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
 

vwalan

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couldnt have said it better myself .
i never could understand the ones that work in a job they dont like .
live in an area or house they dont like .
etc .but never do anything to change it all . are they lazy ,stupid . ?
possibly neither ,work too hard and might have a very technical job etc . but as always amazed me .
i think life is great and the uk as never been better . think it as been alot worse at times .
 
Aug 27, 2009
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5 Regrets people have on their deathbed...


Bronnie Ware is a woman who was in close contact with the dying for years. She wrote a top 5 list of regrets people have on their deathbed.

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.Female
  2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.Male
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.Male
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.Female
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.Male
Yes or no:Smile:

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Aug 27, 2009
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couldnt have said it better myself .
i never could understand the ones that work in a job they dont like .
live in an area or house they dont like .
etc .but never do anything to change it all . are they lazy ,stupid . ?
possibly neither ,work too hard and might have a very technical job etc . but as always amazed me .
[HI]i think life is great and the uk as never been better [/HI]. think it as been alot worse at times .
It takes some people longer than others to appreciate this. You can speed the process up a bit though by spending time in north Africa.:winky:
 

vwalan

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all my life i have enjoyed the uk .had moments of thinking of living in spain,france etc but uk is so varied up north wales lincoln to cornwall. its great .have always found work. so have my kids now in there 30,s . have lived several places in the uk . loved them all. but if found myself not liking where i worked just moved to another . my kids do the same today.
yes seeing how others live in africa and asia does make you know how luxurious most live here. mind i do like the middle east nice people friendly and would hare their last bit of bread with you . iran is possibly a travellers paradise . never heard anyone not like it .
shame we have wars and fighting . but then ireland wasnt nice in the 70,s when i was there . yet take the uiniform away and it was great.
 

Mavis

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You should never have regrets --make a list and sort the regrets out and live life to the full.
Live today as if it was your last --that is a wonderful saying and so true. :Blush::thumb:

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beachcaster

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What about "I wish I had the guts to tell Bronnie Ware what I really regret.."

Seems no one wanted more sex

All sounds a bit flaky to me .

barry:Smile:
 

vwalan

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i dont have regrets ,just things i would do differently next time .
regrets are for the ones that dont learn fast enough.
 
Aug 27, 2009
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You should never have regrets --make a list and sort the regrets out and live life to the full.
Live today as if it was your last --that is a wonderful saying and so true. :Blush::thumb:
And dance like nobody is watching:cry: that is a life of romancers. Reality is a bit more difficult to achieve. We need bread on the table and a log on the fire not always easy if you are living life to the full.:winky:

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Chris

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I am going to a 90th birthday party tomorrow.

My wife's grandmother - 90 and going very strong:thumb:
 
Aug 27, 2009
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I am going to a 90th birthday party tomorrow.

My wife's grandmother - 90 and going very strong:thumb:
Unless you have some genes like that on your side, your wife could be around a bit longer than you are.:winky:

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Chris

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Unless you have some genes like that on your side, your wife could be around a bit longer than you are.:winky:

No such luck Buttons.

My Dad is 75 and is the longest living on his side. Mum is 74 and likewise.

The really bad news is Gran is the MIL's mother::bigsmile:
 
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Unless you have some genes like that on your side, your wife could be around a bit longer than you are.:winky:

Our tribe last into their 90`s or do over a ton.

This means as i`m a kid @55 i can stop worrying about too much --
beer
s-x
pork crackling
start smoking again
drive as a 18 year old
take aways
buy a RV :thumb:
 

jhorsf

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How about
I wished i did not smoke




I wish I had not smoked while filling my gas cylinders:Doh:
 

vwalan

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as a suffer of throat cancer i can say i wish i hadnt smoked .but cant worry about it . have both legs in plastic orthotics (modern calipers)due to charcott -marie-tooth disease . lost a lung when in the army . got lots to mope over if i wanted . aint going to worry about filling gas bottles . every day is a bonus . just waking up in the morning means the start of another good day.
i also have pure white hair and beard that seems to worry alot, they dye it and look daft .i just act daft . ha ha
 
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Jim

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And dance like nobody is watching:cry: that is a life of romancers. Reality is a bit more difficult to achieve. We need bread on the table and a log on the fire not always easy if you are living life to the full.:winky:

Buttons, we've had some good verbals in the past,:Smile: but I've never disagreed with one of your posts more than this one. Putting bread on the table might be hard, reality bites all of us in the bum at times, but thats no excuse, to at least now and then, not dance like no one is watching even if it's between splitting logs and earning a crust :Smile:

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Aug 29, 2010
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What about "I wish I had the guts to tell Bronnie Ware what I really regret.."

[HI]Seems no one wanted more sex[/HI]

All sounds a bit flaky to me .

barry:Smile:

Well, John Betjeman did say 'I wish I had had more sex' and John Maynard Keynes, the economist, said 'I regret I did not drink more champagne'.
F**k**g hell, I'll drink to that! :roflmto::roflmto::roflmto:
 

Mavis

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I am going to a 90th birthday party tomorrow.

My wife's grandmother - 90 and going very strong:thumb:

Treacle dont let that stop you having Fun fun my gran lived to 101, my dad 83 my Mum 99 (she was so annoyed she didnt get a telegram from the Queen) My brother is still going strong at 80 (he is older than me )
All that lovely stock but a Asbestos Fibre has given me a death sentence that I do fight against with all my heart.

You just never know ????? So dont have regrets live your life to the full:winky:

knokinonabit your friend is soooooo right I love that one --Just f***ing do it. that is my new one for this year :thumb:

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Spacerunner

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Its all very well saying 'just fu**ing do it' but when you have three kids to fend for and the job and housing market is jerking you around you can't just leave a job or house.
Before you can blink you've passed 40 and employers reckon you're too old to take on.
The kids fly the nest you know yourself you're too old to learn new job skills and settle for the tread wheel of life.

Don't fool yourselves into believing you're free, we're all enslaved in providing for ourselves, no one is going to be looking out for us except ourselves.
I have many regrets but only because we can all be wise after the event, and anyway we can only recognise our real regrets when death is staring us in the face, and we can see the sum of our lives stretched out to the finality of death.
 
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Its all very well saying 'just fu**ing do it' but when you have three kids to fend for and the job and housing market is jerking you around you can't just leave a job or house.
Before you can blink you've passed 40 and employers reckon you're too old to take on.
The kids fly the nest you know yourself you're too old to learn new job skills and settle for the tread wheel of life.

Don't fool yourselves into believing you're free, we're all enslaved in providing for ourselves, no one is going to be looking out for us except ourselves.
I have many regrets but only because we can all be wise after the event, and anyway we can only recognise our real regrets when death is staring us in the face, and we can see the sum of our lives stretched out to the finality of death.

That was my outlook on life 15 years ago when I was diagnosed with depression and was suicidal.

I still am suffering, but it has taught me that the more you focus on what you think you can't do, the more things you won't do. You convince yourself that it is not possible.

I have the kids, mortgage and sundry other things (too personal to mention here) that in my own mind would once have stopped me doing things.
This isn't a dress rehearsal, it's the one and only chance you get at life on earth, so live it like every day is your last. One day it will be and it will be too late to have regrets.

JFDI :thumb:
 
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I try not too think too much about all of that really--scares me-
I just get up every day and get on with it---keep busy or sleep-
I know one day the lights will go out but i won`t think about it--
-we are the only species on the planet that knows we are going to cease- it`s a bit of a burden to carry sooo-- ingnorance is bliss-- now better do something before i spiral into a pool of gloom.
Clean the car and motorhome and dream of driving a RV in a narrow Cornwall country lane :thumb: :Eeek:

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Mavis

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dare I say this ???
Maybe you are looking to high.
Come back to the simple things in life and reevaluate your life.
Make a list of what you would like to achieve and work through that. Not quiet a bucket list.
The first thing everyone thought I would do when I had my news, would be a world tour ha ha !!! No a tour of the Uk was my first and we did that staying on C&CC holiday sites. a Cheap and cheerful way to travel.
Flying is out with a bad Lung so I have come down to simple things.
Im happy so that is all that matters 4 x 4 sessions of chemo has curtailed me a bit but I have a small motorhome --I love it and I have wonderful friends. Believe you me when the pearly gates are in view you love the simple life :thumb:
 

vwalan

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nothings changed though .i brought up two kids . bought a house . still changed jobs frequently after 40 . i closed my garage at 43 to travel round africa .when i came back i drove trucks for fun and pay for the next trip.
the question is save every penny get that mortgage paid off early.
also you have to do with out somethings just so you can have others , dont swap cars or furniture too often , buy second hand . only new van i have ever had was a vw in 88 sold it in 2003 .did buy new m,bike in 2001 ,still have it .
dont borrow ,borrowing costs . never have hire purchase .do with out it .
always be looking for the next job .dont wait to be finished . be one jump ahead . dont give in . if you do, you lose . you can change your line of employment at any time of life .
never live above your means though . seen so many do that.
use charity shops and secondhand shops .
if you have made mistakes try to recognise it soon after .dont make the same mistake again .
yes it is easy said and easy done . head up .do it .
 
Nov 30, 2009
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Mavis , we've never met but well said , no one knows what's around the corner.. Big hug for you.
:hug: :notworthy:
Bev

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Apr 13, 2012
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5 Regrets people have on their deathbed...


Bronnie Ware is a woman who was in close contact with the dying for years. She wrote a top 5 list of regrets people have on their deathbed.

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
What a load of tosh !! - so selfish/self centred

I for one have too much to do to provide for and support my family to indulge myself - and I am happy to do it ! - keeps me busy

I am thankful that I was born here, so many in this world have so much less

On my deathbed I will have no regrets - I did what I could, and that's all I could do

If I have a regret it will be that I really could have done better



 
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