Wild camping is bullshit (1 Viewer)

[Jim]

Well wild 'parking' was for me last night! Found a nice place for a kip at around midnight. It looked like a coach or lorry park outside a major northern metropolis, to be honest when the family is with me I take great care where we park (Mr Security an all that) but I'm never too bothered on my own, I'll stop anywhere. Anyway, cup of tea and a wind down and I got into bed at around 1am hoping to get at least 7 hours and be fully rested for my 11am appointment.

At 3 am precisley I was woken by an alien like noise, so loud I swear it shook the van, whatever it was I was sure it was in the van with me, I leapt up ready for a fight, banged my head hard on the roof (drop down bed) I fumbled and fell again as fought to put my shorts on. Alien or not, it would not have been a fair fight if I fought it naked. Then there were more noises louder and more urgent than before, I quickly realised the noise was not in the van, but right outside.

with the van pitch dark I slowly pulled down the blind not knowing what I'd see. There it was, two foot from my window, bloody great cows were coming down the ramp of a truck, then they all started with their big bellowing MMOOOOOOOO, and they stumbled down and out

I was parked in the unloading bay of a livestock market and now I'm knackered

 

[joner8888]

You should have mooved oh:

 

[Flyingscotsman2]

,

Wen u banged your head did u damaged the motorhome......

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[Scattycat]

i

You should have mooved oh:

 

[joner8888]

If they were aliens , and you exposed yourself to them, would they have laughed / run / probed or zapped you

 

[poki]

oh dear

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[RS_rob]

Aliens mutilate cows so the noise probably was an alien space craft landing to catch the good ones early.........

 

[Tincataylor]

There must have been udder places you could have camped, at least that's what I herd......................

The Tinca's

 

[Wildbill]

did you have to mooooooov over there must have been signs Jim but not as we know it

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[GJH]

A major northern metropolis with a livestock market?

I know you live in the wilds but Thirsk and Darlington are hardly big places

 

[ourcampersbeentrashed]

no photos then Jim????

Awww bless - at least you werent being burgled or parts stolen off the motorhome.

One mans woes etc................

I havent laughed so much in ages picturing you all amongst a zillion cows and men in white coats

Thanks so much for sharing this with us :thumb::thumb::thumb::thumb:

 

[Barney23]

Plenty rattle round my van, never cattle though

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[Gooney]

A major northern metropolis with a livestock market?

I know you live in the wilds but Thirsk and Darlington are hardly big places

Wasn't Uddersfield was it?

 

[Bailey58]

We wilded in a layby Norway many years ago in a trailer tent. Woke up to a loud motorised noise in the morning to find the local council cutting the grass verge all around us. Took as a while to pack up and get away. oh:

 

[grumps147]

Have all the jokes been milked from this thread yet?

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[Bailey58]

Have all the jokes been milked from this thread yet?

No, it's a cock and bull story if ever I heard one.

 

[GJH]

This reminds me of a friend hiring a car to take his mother on holiday around 45 years ago. Driving along a country road they came across a herd of cows walking to milking in the opposite direction. He couldn't do anything but stop until they were past but, unfortunately one cow decided to climb over the car and put one of its feet through the boot lid.
As it was a hire car, despite no injury to any person or cow, he decided to report the incident to the police:
"Good morning sir, can I help you?"
"I'd like to report a car accident".
"Oh yes sir, what happened?"
"A cow hit me"
"You hit a cow sir?"
"No, a cow hit me"

Apparently it took quite some time to sort out

 

[suavecarve]

Were you fresian without any clothes on ?

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[ludo]

Did you put the cattle on and have a cuppa?
You really have something to beef about now Jim.
It must have been a load of bullocks!
Hoof hearted Jim? You!

 

[currynutter]

Didnt place you as a cowherd

 

[ludo]

Didnt place you as a cowherd

Maybe a COWBOY though!!

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[sean n maggie]

fresh milk for your coffee.........

 

[s7ev0]

I'm actually very surprised you woke up when you heard them. Northern cows are renowned for their gassing skills, so you should have been out for the count until they were well away with your valuables...

Steve

 

[lorger]

I'm actually very surprised you woke up when you heard them. Northern cows are renowned for their gassing skills, so you should have been out for the count until they were well away with your valuables...

Steve

Possibly through the heater Cowl

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[bigfoot]

I am surprised you didn't hear them none of their horns were working! As my daughters used to say Whatheifer!
Some years ago,in our tenting days,we stopped in a field with the owners permission. We were woken up to be surrounded by what sounded like people putting up tents,I looked outside and saw that it was a car boot sale. As we packed up and put the tent in the car some one asked me if 'The camping gear' was for sale. When we went to the landowner,not to complain but to thank him,he apologised that he forgot to tell us that there was a charitable boot sale happening. He gave us the makings of breakfast and lunch from his farm shop as an apology.

 

[teddybard]

Well wild 'parking' was for me last night! Found a nice place for a kip at around midnight. It looked like a coach or lorry park outside a major northern metropolis, to be honest when the family is with me I take great care where we park (Mr Security an all that) but I'm never too bothered on my own, I'll stop anywhere. Anyway, cup of tea and a wind down and I got into bed at around 1am hoping to get at least 7 hours and be fully rested for my 11am appointment.

At 3 am precisley I was woken by an alien like noise, so loud I swear it shook the van, whatever it was I was sure it was in the van with me, I leapt up ready for a fight, banged my head hard on the roof (drop down bed) I fumbled and fell again as fought to put my shorts on. Alien or not, it would not have been a fair fight if I fought it naked. Then there were more noises louder and more urgent than before, I quickly realised the noise was not in the van, but right outside.

with the van pitch dark I slowly pulled down the blind not knowing what I'd see. There it was, two foot from my window, bloody great cows were coming down the ramp of a truck, then they all started with their big bellowing MMOOOOOOOO, and they stumbled down and out

I was parked in the unloading bay of a livestock market and now I'm knackered

Sort of suggest a new item for the Shop Jim
I have a few for sale

 

[Minxy]

Ah - next time Jim you need to get them to serenade you ... this is the ideal song:



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoNkfOHBzQk"]I Like to Move It, Move It - Sacha Baron Cohen - Madagascar (2 3 4- LONGER VERSION ) TRUE LYRICS - YouTube[/ame]

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[Bulawayo Lass]

:Angry:No one yet has commented on the cruel shock to the poor cattle of having Jim's mug glaring out at them EISH

 

[golly]

Were you fresian without any clothes on ?

He was untill he put a Jersey on

 

[laurieash]

You deserve a pat on the back for that one

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