Passport Application!

ruffingitsmoothly · 15-05-2008, 07:53 AM

Hi just recieved this apparantly it was a genuine letter!

Subject: Passport Application

Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to
understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and
telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in
1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on
what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every
Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I
have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you
still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with
contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am
watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the
government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will
keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time. Do you
people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one
with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on
my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports
I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill
out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30
years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten
years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law,
every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead
on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was
Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if
that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between
you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house,
then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of
Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin
Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's
sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach
for a
couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get
another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to
the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to
have all the services in the same spot to assist in the
issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn
easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place
like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that
it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not
allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten
years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances
which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the
Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have
been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the
Services. However, I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am --
you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6
months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,

An Irate British Citizen.

Sadly athough it is funny it is oh so TRUE

Regards Pat

madbluemad · 15-05-2008, 12:16 PM

I'm so sorry but that letter has brightened up my day no end !!

mick · 15-05-2008, 03:39 PM

this is so true of the goverment who claim to be environmentally friendly but would have you use the whole of the new forest to prove yor existence several times. passport application should be passed over to the inland revenue. as those buggers know everthing about you even things you never knew,and could find you in the brasilian rain forest if you owed them a pound.
loved that letter made me

mick

stagman · 15-05-2008, 04:25 PM

[Brilliant and so True.

lady jann · 15-05-2008, 04:31 PM

is it too late to do anything about the way things are going ??.

Road Runner · 15-05-2008, 05:20 PM

Irina came here by the legal route from Russia yet her right to become a British citizen was delayed by almost 6 years with mess ups and red tape.

They lost bosh her files and both our passport so her indefinite leave to remain was delay all this time. If she needed any services I had to pay as i was her sponsor.

She went to college to improve her English as a second language which I had to pay for yet most of the class who were hardly there were asylum seekers learning English for extra benefits. They all drove cars and chain smoked and frequented discos and expensive high street coffee bar daily.

I wont go on much more about asylum seekers during that period or my head would explode.

When we first applied for Irina to come as my fiancé she had to travel to the British embassy in Moscow 1700 miles from her home and of course queue down the road till it was nearer her turn, at this time they had all sorts of information from me about my financial standing, if i had a house and to prove it and what size shoes i wore (but mainly if I could support her which I obviously could!!!)

Irina had a job she had been in for 10 years as personnel manager to Rostov on Dons water board in charge on 1700 people and her work record was faultless. She owned her own apartment outright and had no criminal record.

They refused her a fiancé visa 3 times for no reason at all so on the 4th trip I attended and guess what they refused her so I was in the waiting room and went into one big time so in the end to get rid of us they granted it.

While all these enquiries were going on because of all the enquiries from the British embassy into her work she lost her job.

When she arrived at heathrow she was detained for 8 hour being interviewed by a coloured lady who spoke less English than her and while all this was going on no one told me anything although her visa was a very embossed and shiny one and probably hard to forge (welcome to Britain

)

Becoming a British Citizen was delayed by years because our papers were lost and the home office dont deal in individual case and wont reply to endless letter or ever answer a phone.

I can never have my in-laws to visit as they would have all the security checks to obtain a visitors visa which would necessitate a visit to the British embassy to go through and no security her application would be granted plus mother not up to this ordeal yet other guests in our country are cared about so much there families are transported over for them so there life can be more settled!!!!!!!!!

I wont go on or I'll definately explode and the saga definably didn't help my health.

All this could have been avoided and she could have been on benefits and house FOC if she had used 3 little words "I CLAIM ASYLUM"

I could carry on writing for days about this but bored you enough already

pappajohn · 15-05-2008, 11:51 PM

how does that compere to you visiting/emigrating to russia, john ?
bet the british penpushers are just as bad.

my ex came to england from south africa(south african national born and bred) on a german passport.
indefinate leave to stay was granted almost immediatly. english mother, german father (both S.A. nationalized).
she always said it was the passport that did the trick, S.A. passport would have been much harder.