Joke of the day thread

Discussion in 'Motorhome Chat' started by Mikescuba, Jul 12, 2016.

  1. Mikescuba

    Mikescuba Funster

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  2. movan

    movan Funster Life Member

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  3. Mikescuba

    Mikescuba Funster

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  4. Badknee

    Badknee Funster

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  5. Rolly

    Rolly Funster

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    A man went to doctors with a steering wheel on his penis, Dr says that's unusual man says it's driving me nuts
     
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  6. Mikescuba

    Mikescuba Funster

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  7. jdk62

    jdk62 Funster

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    A man goes to a fancy dress party naked except for a strip of sandpaper wrapped around his willy- he was supposed to be Dick Emery!
     
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  8. Mikescuba

    Mikescuba Funster

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  9. Badknee

    Badknee Funster

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    There was a middle aged guy who bought a Mercedes convertible 2000.

    He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

    "This is great", he thought and floored it some more.

    He looked in his rearview mirror and there was a State Patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blasting.

    "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph.

    Then he thought, "what am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the State Patrol to catch up with him.

    The State Patrol officer pulled in behind the Mercedes and the officer walked up to the man.

    "Sir", he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th". "If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go".

    The man looked back at the State Patrol and said, "last week my wife ran off with a State Patrol officer, and I thought you were bringing her back!"

    The State Patrol said, "Have a nice day!"
     
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  10. makems

    makems Funster Life Member

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    @canopus could do with one of these for Jess!
     
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  11. Badknee

    Badknee Funster

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  12. Badknee

    Badknee Funster

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  13. jollyrodger

    jollyrodger Funster Life Member

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    Older ones :)

    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

    So, I have been to Salvation Army store to get all of her clothes back
    back.
    .

    A mate of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.

    I said "How can you tell them apart?"

    He said "Her brother's got a moustache."

    .

    He was explaining to his wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

    She said she would like to come back as a cow.

    He said, "You're obviously not listening."
     
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  14. Feltwell

    Feltwell Funster

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    Once upon a time, there was an an English cat - called "One Two Three" - And a French cat - called "Un Deux Trois".

    The cats were great rivals, and one day to finally settle the score over who was the best, they decided to have a swimming race across the English Channel. And One Two Three won!

    Why?

    Un Deux Trois Cat Sank
     
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  15. makems

    makems Funster Life Member

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    I havent heard that one since I was at school!
     
  16. Rolly

    Rolly Funster

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  17. The Old Man

    The Old Man Funster

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    What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

    The hippo is very heavy and...





    ...





    ...




    The zippo...




    ...




    is a little lighter :)
     
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  18. The Old Man

    The Old Man Funster

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    A group of nursery school children were trying very hard to get ready for primary school.

    The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

    You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.

    She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

    'I went to visit my Nana'.

    No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!'

    She then asked Mitchell what he had done?

    'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.

    She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.

    She then asked little Alex what he had done?

    'I read a book' he replied.

    That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.

    'What book did you read?'







    Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,


    'Winnie the SHIT'
     
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  19. The Old Man

    The Old Man Funster

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    The Rules of Bedroom Golf:

    Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

    Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

    Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

    For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

    Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

    Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

    It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.

    Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

    Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

    Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

    Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.

    The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

    Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.

    Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

    It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
     
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  20. Left-Hooker

    Left-Hooker Funster

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    Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were
    avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were
    destroyed in a fire, and so we'll never know for whom the Tells
    bowled.
     
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