A new fad diet. Important! (1 Viewer)

[Nirvanauk]

Story by a Man standing in a queue in Tesco's.........

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot (dog biscuits) in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a
dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive
care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both
arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it
works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by
now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition
because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been
sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so
hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??

 

[Rayb182]

That reminds me of when I was a postie, I was emptying a pillar box and some woman came up to me and asked me "are you emptying the box"?, told her I was putting all the letters back in there, silly cow, reported me for insulance.

 

[rangi]

I turned up at a job, in me decorators whites, Woman answered door, "Oh are you the Painter?"
"No Mate Pastry Cook"

"But it's not me Birthday till next month!"

:Sad:oh:oh:

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[icantremember]

That reminds me of when I was a postie, I was emptying a pillar box and some woman came up to me and asked me "are you emptying the box"?, told her I was putting all the letters back in there, silly cow, reported me for insulance.

Funny you should mention that, but when I was a postie we had a plonker in the office who did go out on his round one morning and posted all his mail in the nearest postbox and then walked off the job.oh:

 

[Trikimiki]

Many many moons ago we got a call to the local shopping centre, so we all jump out of the fire engines blue lights et al, clean yellow leggings, shiny silver buttons on a black wool tunic, and of course a fire helmet. Wee woman asks me, are you from the water board son?

Before that when i was a bus conductor I opened the bus doors just as the driver was stopping, the passenger jumped off, SMACK, head first into the bus stop. Immediately grasping his head he turned and shouted...........What a Fu.....g stupid place to stop.
And through our guffaws, as if practised the driver and I both shouted................What at a bus stop??

 

[lorger]

While serving my apprenticeship I used to drive busses at weekend to supplement my wages, one Saturday morning a young lady got on and asked for a return when I asked where to she promptly replied here where else

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