5 Regrets people have on their deathbed...

Discussion in 'Motorhome Chat' started by Bryan, Sep 7, 2012.

  1. Bryan

    Bryan Read Only Funster

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    5 Regrets people have on their deathbed...


    Bronnie Ware is a woman who was in close contact with the dying for years. She wrote a top 5 list of regrets people have on their deathbed.

    1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
    2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
    3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
    4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
    5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

    Bronnie Ware:

    For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

    People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

    When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:


    1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

    This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

    It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


    2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

    This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

    By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


    3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

    Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

    We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


    4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

    Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

    It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


    5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

    This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

    When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


    Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
     
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  2. vwalan

    vwalan Funster

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    couldnt have said it better myself .
    i never could understand the ones that work in a job they dont like .
    live in an area or house they dont like .
    etc .but never do anything to change it all . are they lazy ,stupid . ?
    possibly neither ,work too hard and might have a very technical job etc . but as always amazed me .
    i think life is great and the uk as never been better . think it as been alot worse at times .
     
  3. buttons

    buttons Funster

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    Yes or no:Smile:
     
  4. buttons

    buttons Funster

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    It takes some people longer than others to appreciate this. You can speed the process up a bit though by spending time in north Africa.:Wink:
     
  5. vwalan

    vwalan Funster

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    all my life i have enjoyed the uk .had moments of thinking of living in spain,france etc but uk is so varied up north wales lincoln to cornwall. its great .have always found work. so have my kids now in there 30,s . have lived several places in the uk . loved them all. but if found myself not liking where i worked just moved to another . my kids do the same today.
    yes seeing how others live in africa and asia does make you know how luxurious most live here. mind i do like the middle east nice people friendly and would hare their last bit of bread with you . iran is possibly a travellers paradise . never heard anyone not like it .
    shame we have wars and fighting . but then ireland wasnt nice in the 70,s when i was there . yet take the uiniform away and it was great.
     
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  6. Mavis

    Mavis Funster

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    You should never have regrets --make a list and sort the regrets out and live life to the full.
    Live today as if it was your last --that is a wonderful saying and so true. :Blush::thumb:
     
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  7. beachcaster

    beachcaster Read Only Funster

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    What about "I wish I had the guts to tell Bronnie Ware what I really regret.."

    Seems no one wanted more sex

    All sounds a bit flaky to me .

    barry:Smile:
     
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  8. vwalan

    vwalan Funster

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    i dont have regrets ,just things i would do differently next time .
    regrets are for the ones that dont learn fast enough.
     
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  9. buttons

    buttons Funster

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    And dance like nobody is watching:cry: that is a life of romancers. Reality is a bit more difficult to achieve. We need bread on the table and a log on the fire not always easy if you are living life to the full.:Wink:
     
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  10. Chris

    Chris Funster Life Member

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    I am going to a 90th birthday party tomorrow.

    My wife's grandmother - 90 and going very strong:thumb:
     
  11. 1_man_and_his_dob(lo)

    1_man_and_his_dob(lo) Funster

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    I'm surprised that

    I wish I'd joined MotorhomeFun (earlier)

    wasn't higher on the list :Smile:
     
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  12. buttons

    buttons Funster

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    Unless you have some genes like that on your side, your wife could be around a bit longer than you are.:Wink:
     
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  13. Chris

    Chris Funster Life Member

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    No such luck Buttons.

    My Dad is 75 and is the longest living on his side. Mum is 74 and likewise.

    The really bad news is Gran is the MIL's mother:BigGrin:
     
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  14. joner8888

    joner8888 Read Only Funster

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    Our tribe last into their 90`s or do over a ton.

    This means as i`m a kid @55 i can stop worrying about too much --
    beer
    s-x
    pork crackling
    start smoking again
    drive as a 18 year old
    take aways
    buy a RV :thumb:
     
  15. johnp10

    johnp10 Funster

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    How about:
    "I wish I hadnt tried to fill my own gas cylinders"
     
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  16. jhorsf

    jhorsf Read Only Funster

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    How about
    I wished i did not smoke




    I wish I had not smoked while filling my gas cylinders:Doh:
     
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  17. vwalan

    vwalan Funster

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    as a suffer of throat cancer i can say i wish i hadnt smoked .but cant worry about it . have both legs in plastic orthotics (modern calipers)due to charcott -marie-tooth disease . lost a lung when in the army . got lots to mope over if i wanted . aint going to worry about filling gas bottles . every day is a bonus . just waking up in the morning means the start of another good day.
    i also have pure white hair and beard that seems to worry alot, they dye it and look daft .i just act daft . ha ha
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2012
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  18. Jim

    Jim Ringleader

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    Buttons, we've had some good verbals in the past,:Smile: but I've never disagreed with one of your posts more than this one. Putting bread on the table might be hard, reality bites all of us in the bum at times, but thats no excuse, to at least now and then, not dance like no one is watching even if it's between splitting logs and earning a crust :Smile:
     
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  19. knokinonabit

    knokinonabit Funster

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    A good friend of mine has his own philosophy.

    He calls it the JFDI outlook.

    Just f***ing do it.

    Works for me. :thumb:
     
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  20. tony_g

    tony_g Funster

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    Well, John Betjeman did say 'I wish I had had more sex' and John Maynard Keynes, the economist, said 'I regret I did not drink more champagne'.
    F**k**g hell, I'll drink to that! :Laughing::Laughing::Laughing:
     
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