What's the best saying you have heard???? (1 Viewer)

[Patrick]

Whats the best saying you have ever heard?

As much use as , a one legged man at an ass kicking party

As welcome as, a fart in a spce suite

 

[sandyketton]

"Up and down like a fiddlers elbow" always makes me smile

 

[sandyketton]

or a one armed paperhanger

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[pappajohn]

as much use as a chocolate fire guard

rude one.....as much use as t*ts on a bull

another rude one.....colder than a witch's t*t.

got a gob on him/her the size of a wizards sleeve

 

[Tony Santara]

"Your the winner "......works for me

Or...... " If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off "

 

[pappajohn]

"Your the winner "......works for me

Or...... " If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off "

or.....'if brains were s**t you wouldnt have enough for a skid mark'

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[Geo]

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

[peter t]

I did'nt know you could stack Bullsh*t that high !!

 

[hilldweller]

Whats the best saying you have ever heard?

"Don't just lit it happen"

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[ginge61]

if it wasnt for bad luck id have no luck at all

one i heard in ireland [more scared than a pig walking through denneys ] thats the black and white pudding facatory plus other things

 

[Road Runner]

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Never eat with your mouth full.

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead.

Sometimes people need what only friends can provide — Absence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. (A life sentence!)

Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it’s hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.

Be alert - the world needs more lerts.

Marriage certificate is just another name for a work permit.

Friends don’t let friends drive naked.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move dead bodies.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry.

With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error.

To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.

If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

Anywhere is walking distance, if you’ve got the time.

People have the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.

Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Always remember, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.

 

[ruffingitsmoothly]

Today is the day we worried about yesterday!

People are dying now who have never died before!

But this is the classic!!

Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
(Abraham Lincoln).

Regards Pat

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[bigfoot]

A face like a smacked bum
Thick as a canteen cup
If they had 2 heads they'd kiss themselves
If you had brains you would be dangerous
have you got s**t for brains
as daft as a barrow load of monkeys
did you win your licence in a raffle?
who taught you to drive ? Stevie Wonder!
I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception
Some people have a right to be ugly/stupid but you abuse the priviledge
I think you have a good case for a refund of your charm school fees.
who knitted your face and dropped a stich?

 

[Munchie]

As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.

 

[WillH]

'Careful what you wish for, you may get what you want'

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[Jim]

"Its a wise man that says nothing when he has nothing to say"

so I'm staying stum on this one

 

[zaskar]

face like a split clog

face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

face like a bulldog lickin' p*ss of a nettle

yer engine sounds like a miners toolbox

it wouldn't pull a s**** off yer granny

 

[Munchie]

He/she eats like a bullfrog farting in custard.

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[Terry]

I am deffo from the rude club so here goes :thumb:
never p--s into the wind
more chance of getting a w--k off the pope
I had better stop at that :thumb:
terry

 

[Hayleylulu]

its the dogs bollocks

 

[ourcampersbeentrashed]

This is a very old family favourite



Father Christmas comes just once a year, thank goodness I'm not father christmas

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[hereford bull]

when someone younger tries to put one over on you (often)

im too old of a cat to be sh--ged by a kitten .

never look a gift horse up the a--

you can lead a horse to water but you cant make your granny suck eggs

 

[yodeli]

I know many sayings in french of course, but only one in english but it seemed to me quite appropriate for this site:


"look after the front of your bus and it's back will look after itself"

As i never drove a motorhome i wonder if it's true.... is it??????


amicalement

Frankie

 

[Sweet Chariot]

He never was the sharpest knife in the box.

Bloody hell she wasn't at the front of the que when they handed out good looks.

I wouldn't say the wife is tough but she was kicked out of the SAS. for bullying.

He is up and down like a fart in a bottle.

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[N Luyetund]

He is up and down like a fart in a bottle.

...fart in a trance

...fart in a colander

 

[Munchie]

God made her as ugly as he could then smacked her with a brick.

 

[moandick]

He is up and down like a fart in a bottle.

He/She was up and down quicker than a whore's drawers.

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[roadtraveller]

A slate short of a roof.

A sandwich short of a picnic.

As rare as rocking horse poo.

May the road rise up to meet you and may the wind be always at your back.

When you die may you be in heaven an hour before the Devil knows your dead.

 

[Road Runner]

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.


For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

 

[Xoxoc]

its the dogs bollocks

Alternative: It's the mutts nuts!

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