ruffingitsmoothly

Hi just recieved this apparantly it was a genuine letter!

Subject: Passport Application


Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to
understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and
telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in
1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on
what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every
Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I
have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you
still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with
contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am
watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the
government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will
keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time. Do you
people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one
with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on
my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports
I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill
out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30
years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten
years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law,
every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead
on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was
Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if
that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between
you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house,
then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of
Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin
Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's
sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach
for a
couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get
another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to
the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to
have all the services in the same spot to assist in the
issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn
easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place
like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that
it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not
allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!


I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten
years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances
which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the
Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have
been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the
Services. However, I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am --
you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6
months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,

An Irate British Citizen.

Sadly athough it is funny it is oh so TRUE

Regards Pat

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You're only jealous coz the little voices are not talking to you!!:Eek!